Caught up in Wife Swap

So, I got my precious son down CRAZY EARLY this fine Thursday night, which allowed me veg out time unseen in oh, the 2 years since he's Blessed me with his presence in this world.  So how did I choose to use my veg out time.... I watched 'Wife Swap'.  I can count on one hand how many times I've watched this reality show, but was drawn in this night.  The two total opposite families were both a little scary to me.  One family was like living in a boot camp.  No love, no celebration of being a family of four, the two kids are basically emotionally stunted where mom and dad are concerned.  The other family, of course the extreme opposite.  Don't believe in school, so they "Unschool" their four children.  Now I have no clue what that means, what I do know, is their 10 or 11 year old daughter can't read, so that doesn't bode well for the "Unschooling" model in my opinion.

The "Unschool" parents don't believe in discipline and feel that no one has authority over the other, I mean no one.  They feel the parents have no right to instill rules, punishment, boundaries on children.  That "no child needs to be trained, ever".  I repeat, the 11 year old daughter can't read, and I am not exaggerating.  She said herself, I can't really read a book, "yet".

The "Boot camp" home has the young daughter, about 10, loves crafts, art, drawing.  All of her projects and ribbons, awards are stuffed in a storage box under her bed.  The kids don't have their friends over, their parents have no clue who their kids friends are.  They have a tight leash on them.  The son is 17 and basically feels he has no trust from his parents to make any decisions of his own.  Highly pushed to excel in school of course.

Now, I am all about education, but one thing I will always be thankful for when it came to my parents and school, they had one rule: Do your best, if that's a C, so be it, but if it's a C because you didn't do all you could including getting a tutor, than we've got a problem.  I cried the first time I got a C.  It was in advanced math.  I was the kid willing to sit in the front row unless there was a seating chart, I'd go to the teacher during breaks, lunch, enlist any help I could... but advanced math and I simply weren't going to get a long.  I got a C.  My mom asked me, did you do everything you could (she knew the answer because she and dad helped me get a tutor, talked to my teacher, they were in the know), I said yes, she said... so why are you crying?  What do you want for dinner tonight?  This is not how "boot camp" mom functions.  Berating I'm certain would be involved.

"Boot camp" mom and dad use the smoke alarm to wake their children.... A SMOKE ALARM.  How about going into your kids room, say good morning, time to get up and get going.  Open a curtain, head rub, maybe a kiss, but because they don't pop out of bed, you invoke the SMOKE ALARM.  Meanwhile, "Unschool" parents let their kids go to bed and get up whenever they see fit.  Heck, they don't go to school so what does it matter?  Did I mention, the second oldest CAN'T READ!  But they are all locked in the tech world, iPhone, iPads, whatever....  Yep, unschooling baby!  They aren't big on cleaning, the dog licks the plates that are clean and in the dishwasher.  But they don't use a smoke alarm to arouse anyone either.

I didn't have much of an issue with either mom's desire to install their personal rules when the time came except one... "Unschool" mom pulled the kids out of school, that should not be allowed, "Boot camp" mom forced the kids to go to school, don't like that either.  Now, I don't agree with this "Unschooling" stuff, but throwing kids into an environment, that they've never known like school, is not the way to go.  How about getting some books from the bookstore, ABC's and the like and try doing some teaching of your own rather than throwing these kids into a school like that.  Just my opinion of course.  "Boot camp" mom, HIGHLY disrespectful from the moment she arrived at the home, not so with "Unschool" mom.  "Unschool" mom, VERY respectful, and as expected, VERY sensitive to what is CLEARLY absent in the home, warmth and love.

One of the rules "Unschool" mom installed, daily hugs from dad to his kids.  His first response, if you need a hug, just ask for one.  Really, I don't understand why a child needs to ask a parent for loving affection.  I heard, I love you, every day of my life from my mom and dad, and got a hug every day of my life while I lived under their roof.  When my Dad passed in September, one of the reasons we were able to handle things a little better, is because we all knew the love in our home.  I didn't have to guess about my dad's feelings for me or ask him, he told me, I told him.  It's also why I miss him daily!

All families are different, do things different ways, have different ideas about how to raise their kids.  But I think when you need your child to ask you for a hug, you've got a problem.  When your kids almost look scared to give you a hug, you've got a problem.  When your response to a framed piece of artwork, OF YOUR CHILD, being placed on the wall is, "that's not staying there" (Boot camp Mom), you've got a problem.  When you 13 year old has no problem using curse words in your presence or in the presence of others and doesn't feel it necessary to be respectful of adults, you've got a problem.

Kids are a privilege.  They take work, effort, and tons of love.  That doesn't mean, no discipline, no chores, no reading, writing and arithmetic.  It means be a parent, be involved and BE RESPONSIBLE for the lives you brought (or adopted) onto this planet.  Freedom feels great, but boundaries are necessary for development in society.  Discipline is necessary for development in society.  While everyone isn't going to give your child a hug in their future, and they aren't going to be praised all the time.... those are things that should come with the territory at home.  Point out when mistakes are made, but celebrate greatness as well.  It's a balancing act.  I hope I do as well as my mom and dad, with my son!