Due to the actions of Ray Rice of the Baltimore Ravens, the issue of domestic violence has jumped back to the forefront of our consciousness. I didn't want to get into the conversation, but the more I have read, the more I have been led to write this post.
First, allow me to preface this with the fact that I have NO personal experience in this realm, but as a woman, for that matter a human being, it doesn't take personal experience to know right from wrong. A friend and former colleague erred in comments he made last week. He recognized those comments, faced them and took responsibility for them. He acknowledged how they did not at all represent his thoughts on domestic violence, and how the point he was trying to make, never needed the space to begin with. His apology was from the heart, the words were his own and this is the man I stand beside.
Unfortunately as people continue the discussion, I am hearing more comments that amount to the very mistake my friend owned up to. Provocation.
I read a comment on facebook from an individual who, like my friend is intelligent, well educated, well read and yet he still insisted that he would tell his daughters, "don't hit first". While I think I understand what he is attempting to say, his advice is oversimplified and quite frankly ignores the actual problem. 'Don't hit first' implies, you can keep the abuser from abusing by simply remaining calm, and non-inflammatory.... I would say ask Goldie Taylor about that. 'Don't hit first' implies that rationale will win out, ask Tracey Thurman about that. 'Don't hit first' in essence says, don't provoke the abuse and we ALL know that is simply wrong.
Goldie Taylor is an analytical contributor on many news networks, and this maelstrom forced her to open up her old wounds of abuse; wounds that left me in near tears. Goldie didn't hit first, she accidentally shrunk t-shirts in the wash. Goldie didn't hit first, she hit for protection and charges were filed against her by her abuser AFTER her abuser literally stabbed her in the back. Tracey didn't hit first, but she was beaten to within moments of her life.....the police, did nothing. In fact Tracey's story was so amazing, that she successfully sued the city of Torrington, Connecticut and it's police force, for infringement of civil rights. You see, the police at that time, 1983/84 didn't think domestic abuse was anything more than marital squabbles, and felt she was being over sensitive. Well, thank goodness for Tracey's "oversensitivity", she won her lawsuit and a law was put into place because of it, commonly referred to as the 'Family Violence Prevention and Response Act'.
'Don't hit first' is what you tell a child in a situation at school, where teachers, administrators and parents for that matter can get involved. 'Don't hit first' is what you tell young people with regards to avoiding getting into an old fashioned fight at school. 'Don't hit first', has no place in diminishing abuse from someone being victimized. The victim of abuse has to find the inner strength to stand alone and alive, rather than "live" in fear, abuse and quite possibly not breathing at all, easy for me to say.... I've never lived it. What the individual telling his daughters, 'Don't hit first' is saying, though he truly in his heart doesn't believe so, is.... 'don't provoke the abuse'.
Does this mean that only men can be violent in relationships....... not at all. In fact, for some men, it seems as if the abuse is psychologically worse, because, how do you explain being abused as a grown man by a 'woman' in our society? Some of you are snickering at the very thought..... shame on you, because it is just as real, cruel and painful! You see, we live in a society where you are only a man, IF you hit back, IF you knock her out, IF you make sure she/he understands, 'YOU' are a man. I say there is nothing manly about you at all if your show of force, is the only way you can express it. As a woman, like a man, if your form of communication is to hit , kick and verbally berate, you are no better.
A few people know what truly happened in that elevator in Atlantic City between Ray Rice and his now wife Janay Palmer. I have heard that she hit him and spit at him,..... I DO NOT excuse any of that, but it does not give a man the right to go ahead and punch her lights out. If these allegations are in fact true, than Ms. Palmer/Mrs. Rice, has her own abusive demons to deal with and neither of these individuals are healthy human beings mentally.
Bottom line, the only way to avoid an abusive relationship is to not be in one and even then, some individuals don't realize they are in one until it is too late. It is so easy to tell someone what they can do to avoid being abused, but unless you've been there... they are empty words....
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Why?
Another senseless shooting.
Another necessary look into the person behind such a cowardice act.
Another moment for the media, my media, to miss the point.
My heart aches every time we hear of yet another atrocity carried out by an individual clearly in need of mental assistance. The mental health system failed him, that doesn't mean I take the blame off the perpetrator's shoulders. The young man who took the lives of innocents and hurt others at and around UCSB knew what he was doing but he also set off plenty of flashing red lights that could have stopped this from happening. Yes, we are looking into his mental state, we know that he had been in therapy since he was a young boy but why are we giving airtime to his manifesto. Why do we read excerpts and continue to play portions of his final you tube video.
You can tell the story of what this young man did and why he could have been stopped without giving him the very publicity he whole-heartedly sought after.
The focus needs to be on why he wasn't being paid closer attention to? How serious did the police take the warning when his mother called and asked that they look in on her son? What did she say to them? Did she direct them to his videos that led her to make the call in first place? How does someone leave a trail like his, not at all hidden and complete his awful mission? How does someone with mental health issues gain legal access to a gun.
My argument regarding gun control has been heard time and time again, for this I will only say, mental health HAS TO BE a huge variable in the ability to obtain weapons. YOU SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO have a mental status examination if nothing else.
Why has this country not learned anything? Why do we allow the same things to happen over and over and over again and scream about the constitution as if that makes everything ok? When did your mental stability or lack thereof begin to trump MY PERSONAL RIGHT TO LIVE! Now we are faced with mourning yet again and as usual, the media, my media is adding their sensational touches. I don't care about his novel of a manifesto, what I care about is all the MASSIVE clues he left ahead of time. I don't care about his last video, the very video that led his own mother to seek further help, unfortunately for her, it was too late.
I don't blame his family. I pray for them as well. For those who say, how dare you show grace to the ones who knew him best, I ask you to take a moment. Imagine it is your child who was shot or heaven forbid, killed during this massacre. Now imagine it's your child who perpetrated the act. My heart stopped twice. I can't imagine my world without my son, and I can't imagine a world where my son would be the one to cause such pain. It's a private hell that his family will battle with for the rest of their lives. They will ask themselves daily, what should I have done, what didn't I do, what more could I have done. Their's is a burden they will live with forever. I pray that they will use this tragedy and help shed a greater light on mental illness. I pray they will take it upon themselves to push for greater recognition of what mental illness can do, how it can move, how it can disguise itself, how and what families can do to keep the dialogue open within their own homes and with those around them. There is so much here that can and needs to be addressed, and I for one am tired of giving the perpetrators of ugly the very stage they seek.
Another necessary look into the person behind such a cowardice act.
Another moment for the media, my media, to miss the point.
My heart aches every time we hear of yet another atrocity carried out by an individual clearly in need of mental assistance. The mental health system failed him, that doesn't mean I take the blame off the perpetrator's shoulders. The young man who took the lives of innocents and hurt others at and around UCSB knew what he was doing but he also set off plenty of flashing red lights that could have stopped this from happening. Yes, we are looking into his mental state, we know that he had been in therapy since he was a young boy but why are we giving airtime to his manifesto. Why do we read excerpts and continue to play portions of his final you tube video.
You can tell the story of what this young man did and why he could have been stopped without giving him the very publicity he whole-heartedly sought after.
The focus needs to be on why he wasn't being paid closer attention to? How serious did the police take the warning when his mother called and asked that they look in on her son? What did she say to them? Did she direct them to his videos that led her to make the call in first place? How does someone leave a trail like his, not at all hidden and complete his awful mission? How does someone with mental health issues gain legal access to a gun.
My argument regarding gun control has been heard time and time again, for this I will only say, mental health HAS TO BE a huge variable in the ability to obtain weapons. YOU SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO have a mental status examination if nothing else.
Why has this country not learned anything? Why do we allow the same things to happen over and over and over again and scream about the constitution as if that makes everything ok? When did your mental stability or lack thereof begin to trump MY PERSONAL RIGHT TO LIVE! Now we are faced with mourning yet again and as usual, the media, my media is adding their sensational touches. I don't care about his novel of a manifesto, what I care about is all the MASSIVE clues he left ahead of time. I don't care about his last video, the very video that led his own mother to seek further help, unfortunately for her, it was too late.
I don't blame his family. I pray for them as well. For those who say, how dare you show grace to the ones who knew him best, I ask you to take a moment. Imagine it is your child who was shot or heaven forbid, killed during this massacre. Now imagine it's your child who perpetrated the act. My heart stopped twice. I can't imagine my world without my son, and I can't imagine a world where my son would be the one to cause such pain. It's a private hell that his family will battle with for the rest of their lives. They will ask themselves daily, what should I have done, what didn't I do, what more could I have done. Their's is a burden they will live with forever. I pray that they will use this tragedy and help shed a greater light on mental illness. I pray they will take it upon themselves to push for greater recognition of what mental illness can do, how it can move, how it can disguise itself, how and what families can do to keep the dialogue open within their own homes and with those around them. There is so much here that can and needs to be addressed, and I for one am tired of giving the perpetrators of ugly the very stage they seek.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
You have to start somewhere!
There has been an enormous outcry since the ugly remarks by Clippers Owner, Donald Sterling were released to the press. There has equally been an enormous celebration on behalf of NBA Commissioner Adam Silver for his swift action that goes beyond a slap on the hand in my humble opinion. I have partaken whole-heartedly in both the jeers and cheers described. I don't apologize for either of my reactions nor should anyone else.
I am well aware that Donald Sterling is not alone in his ignorance especially not as a member of professional team ownership. As a former colleague of mine, ESPN's Jemele Hill, pointed out, if you think he was the lone bandit in his thinking as owner of the Clippers these past 30 years.... you are indeed naive. You don't hold true to beliefs of that nature at the top of the food chain without it permeating and perpetuating into your organization and well beyond. That said, I also do not believe this is how ALL professional team owners feel.
I have been engaging in a back and forth with individuals who say Adam Silver's actions were nothing more than a PR move. That "the plantation is still safe". I get where this frustration comes from, but I say, you have to start somewhere. Adam Silver has been Commissioner for what, an hour (exaggeration of course) and he's made a major move. He has established himself as not status quo and has required his league to take a stand as well. A stand that if not unanimous could destroy the league all together. I have read of the past racial missteps by Mr. Sterling, I even heard individuals personally commenting about how Mr. Sterling was one of the last people on the planet they would ever want to play for, so his latest transgression was far from surprising. But until his transgressions reach a proportion of this magnitude not a whole lot can be done.
Now here's the other issue, another misdeed was done to make this misdeed standout, Ms. Stiviano will have to deal with her own situation with the release of an illegal recording, but I want to stick to one topic as not lose sight of the discussion. Back to Mr. Sterling.
Just because some people know of an ugliness, doesn't mean ALL people know of an ugliness and even when people in a position to act know of an ugliness, you still have to have a cause within your own ranks to do something about it. I don't know what Mr. Silver knew of Mr. Sterling prior to this incident. I don't know what Mr. Silver felt about Mr. Sterling prior to this incident, what I do know, is that PRIOR to this incident, Mr. Silver WAS NOT in a position to do what he did Tuesday, April 29, 2014.
Mr. Silver assumed his role as Commissioner on February 1, 2014... Less than three months ago if you are doing the math. Three months in, Mr. Silver issued a lifetime ban on a bigoted owner and put an ENORMOUS amount of pressure on his league to take a stand for justice. For now, Mr. Silver has at the very least caused the remaining NBA individuals of ignorant thinking to take cover. They will not speak as boldly and will toe the company line. Perhaps the next owner/owners of the Clippers will also do a little housekeeping of their own and clear the cupboards of Sterling thinking remains. Does this mean that others who share Mr. Sterling's beliefs will up and change their tune, of course not. The Civil Rights Acts weren't passed until 1964, that was some 288 years AFTER the constitution so don't expect everything to be fixed on tuesday. Racism will take hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years to be removed from our consciousness, but it has to start somewhere.
People thought the election and subsequent re-election of the nations FIRST black President meant race issues were solved; again, that belief is naive. This nation, this world has a long way to go, but every little effort that says racism is NOT OK, is a step in the right direction and those steps need to be recognized, celebrated and repeated. I am a proud black woman and I am proud of Mr. Adam Silver's denouncement of racism Tuesday, April 29, 2014.
I am well aware that Donald Sterling is not alone in his ignorance especially not as a member of professional team ownership. As a former colleague of mine, ESPN's Jemele Hill, pointed out, if you think he was the lone bandit in his thinking as owner of the Clippers these past 30 years.... you are indeed naive. You don't hold true to beliefs of that nature at the top of the food chain without it permeating and perpetuating into your organization and well beyond. That said, I also do not believe this is how ALL professional team owners feel.
I have been engaging in a back and forth with individuals who say Adam Silver's actions were nothing more than a PR move. That "the plantation is still safe". I get where this frustration comes from, but I say, you have to start somewhere. Adam Silver has been Commissioner for what, an hour (exaggeration of course) and he's made a major move. He has established himself as not status quo and has required his league to take a stand as well. A stand that if not unanimous could destroy the league all together. I have read of the past racial missteps by Mr. Sterling, I even heard individuals personally commenting about how Mr. Sterling was one of the last people on the planet they would ever want to play for, so his latest transgression was far from surprising. But until his transgressions reach a proportion of this magnitude not a whole lot can be done.
Now here's the other issue, another misdeed was done to make this misdeed standout, Ms. Stiviano will have to deal with her own situation with the release of an illegal recording, but I want to stick to one topic as not lose sight of the discussion. Back to Mr. Sterling.
Just because some people know of an ugliness, doesn't mean ALL people know of an ugliness and even when people in a position to act know of an ugliness, you still have to have a cause within your own ranks to do something about it. I don't know what Mr. Silver knew of Mr. Sterling prior to this incident. I don't know what Mr. Silver felt about Mr. Sterling prior to this incident, what I do know, is that PRIOR to this incident, Mr. Silver WAS NOT in a position to do what he did Tuesday, April 29, 2014.
Mr. Silver assumed his role as Commissioner on February 1, 2014... Less than three months ago if you are doing the math. Three months in, Mr. Silver issued a lifetime ban on a bigoted owner and put an ENORMOUS amount of pressure on his league to take a stand for justice. For now, Mr. Silver has at the very least caused the remaining NBA individuals of ignorant thinking to take cover. They will not speak as boldly and will toe the company line. Perhaps the next owner/owners of the Clippers will also do a little housekeeping of their own and clear the cupboards of Sterling thinking remains. Does this mean that others who share Mr. Sterling's beliefs will up and change their tune, of course not. The Civil Rights Acts weren't passed until 1964, that was some 288 years AFTER the constitution so don't expect everything to be fixed on tuesday. Racism will take hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years to be removed from our consciousness, but it has to start somewhere.
People thought the election and subsequent re-election of the nations FIRST black President meant race issues were solved; again, that belief is naive. This nation, this world has a long way to go, but every little effort that says racism is NOT OK, is a step in the right direction and those steps need to be recognized, celebrated and repeated. I am a proud black woman and I am proud of Mr. Adam Silver's denouncement of racism Tuesday, April 29, 2014.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Bless their hearts.
So I am scouring Yahoo! and come across a story about Mets second baseman Daniel Murphy. It seems there is a reason I don't necessarily partake in listening to some of the morning sports radio talk shows, if I had, then I likely would have heard the barrage of criticism Mr. Murphy has received because instead of being on the field for games 1 & 2 of the 162 GAME MLB SEASON, he chose to be home with his wife following the birth of their first born child.
I know what you are going to say.... the AUDACITY OF DANIEL MURPHY! How dare he take fatherhood to actually mean..... FATHERHOOD!
When I first read this story, I must admit, my blood started to boil. I felt like I was reading comments from the 1950's. But no, not my imagination at all. They were hard and true comments made April 2, 2014. Thing is, I thought maybe April 1st, was actually a day late, because surely, these were April Fool's Day cracks, right..... wrong. The words, "get your ass back to the team" c/o Craig Carton, "this is what makes our money" c/o Boomer Esiason, "I frankly don't get it" c/o Mike Francesa and one from a fun fan.... "I've never heard of something so ludicrous [paternity leave for a baseball player]". Hey fella's, did the sky just fall and somehow I, as a former athlete and still a sports fan missed it? Baseball plays 162 LOOOOOOOOOOONG games, Daniel Murphy missing games 1 & 2 is really irrelevant.
Daniel Murphy knows what his career means, but you know what else, he knows what his family means and for that I say, BRAVO. Why is this MAN's character being decimated because he took what truly is the most INSIGNIFICANT time during the baseball season to be with his wife and newborn, first born, child? Why do we do that? So basically as voices on the radio, the only way to make yourself seem, what more manly, is to attack someone for being a DAD first?
Look, I know what the field means to the pro athlete, I get the responsibilities he has to his team and to the contract he has signed. But do those two game days really mean he is less committed to his team, his responsibilities than you are or were? Do you feel that bragging that you would tell your wife to schedule the cesarean section because it works best for your schedule, makes you more of a man? I ask that you look to yourself, and I mean really look to yourself; Ask yourself, not just the part that consistently agrees with your every word, but the true inner part, ask that part, was ripping this man necessary? To me, it felt like the bully that starts in on a kid and then everyone just jumps on trying to one up the next guy. I remember those kids too, because I was a target, but that's another post....
I applaud Daniel Murphy. When I had my son, while I was happy my mom and dad were there... the one person I ABSOLUTELY WANTED AND NEEDED by my side those first few days, was MY HUSBAND. No, he wasn't breast feeding our son, but he was helping to keep me calm. You see he is my team, my parents are my parents, they love me, support me and were thrilled be with me during that time, but my husband is "MY TEAM". He is what gets me through pretty much any and everything in my world, him and my FAITH of course. He is the other half of that phenomenal creation that leaves me in awe on a daily basis. The bulk of the work post birth of course falls on mom, but the little that he did... WAS HUGE and I am certain Daniel Murphy's wife felt that same way.
Daniel Murphy didn't miss the first game of JUST 16 in the NFL, he didn't miss the deciding game for a playoff spot, he didn't miss a playoff game. BUT even if he did.... is he still less of a man, I think not. We go through this life making decisions that affect more than ourselves in ways we couldn't possibly understand, we need to think about that before we decide to rip into a person for making a decision that benefitted his personal family before his baseball family. Mr. Murphy, congratulations on becoming a father and for standing tall to be a man!
I know what you are going to say.... the AUDACITY OF DANIEL MURPHY! How dare he take fatherhood to actually mean..... FATHERHOOD!
When I first read this story, I must admit, my blood started to boil. I felt like I was reading comments from the 1950's. But no, not my imagination at all. They were hard and true comments made April 2, 2014. Thing is, I thought maybe April 1st, was actually a day late, because surely, these were April Fool's Day cracks, right..... wrong. The words, "get your ass back to the team" c/o Craig Carton, "this is what makes our money" c/o Boomer Esiason, "I frankly don't get it" c/o Mike Francesa and one from a fun fan.... "I've never heard of something so ludicrous [paternity leave for a baseball player]". Hey fella's, did the sky just fall and somehow I, as a former athlete and still a sports fan missed it? Baseball plays 162 LOOOOOOOOOOONG games, Daniel Murphy missing games 1 & 2 is really irrelevant.
Daniel Murphy knows what his career means, but you know what else, he knows what his family means and for that I say, BRAVO. Why is this MAN's character being decimated because he took what truly is the most INSIGNIFICANT time during the baseball season to be with his wife and newborn, first born, child? Why do we do that? So basically as voices on the radio, the only way to make yourself seem, what more manly, is to attack someone for being a DAD first?
Look, I know what the field means to the pro athlete, I get the responsibilities he has to his team and to the contract he has signed. But do those two game days really mean he is less committed to his team, his responsibilities than you are or were? Do you feel that bragging that you would tell your wife to schedule the cesarean section because it works best for your schedule, makes you more of a man? I ask that you look to yourself, and I mean really look to yourself; Ask yourself, not just the part that consistently agrees with your every word, but the true inner part, ask that part, was ripping this man necessary? To me, it felt like the bully that starts in on a kid and then everyone just jumps on trying to one up the next guy. I remember those kids too, because I was a target, but that's another post....
I applaud Daniel Murphy. When I had my son, while I was happy my mom and dad were there... the one person I ABSOLUTELY WANTED AND NEEDED by my side those first few days, was MY HUSBAND. No, he wasn't breast feeding our son, but he was helping to keep me calm. You see he is my team, my parents are my parents, they love me, support me and were thrilled be with me during that time, but my husband is "MY TEAM". He is what gets me through pretty much any and everything in my world, him and my FAITH of course. He is the other half of that phenomenal creation that leaves me in awe on a daily basis. The bulk of the work post birth of course falls on mom, but the little that he did... WAS HUGE and I am certain Daniel Murphy's wife felt that same way.
Daniel Murphy didn't miss the first game of JUST 16 in the NFL, he didn't miss the deciding game for a playoff spot, he didn't miss a playoff game. BUT even if he did.... is he still less of a man, I think not. We go through this life making decisions that affect more than ourselves in ways we couldn't possibly understand, we need to think about that before we decide to rip into a person for making a decision that benefitted his personal family before his baseball family. Mr. Murphy, congratulations on becoming a father and for standing tall to be a man!
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Calm down, I want a rational discussion.
So yet another fight regarding birth control and places of work is underway.
The argument is, for-Profit companies right to opt out of coverage of birth control for religious reasons. To me, the answer seems simple, but there are many points of view.
Here is mine:
We tend to swing the "freedom of religion" hammer with a great deal of frequency... and we should. It is one of the wonderful things that makes the United States of America, "The United States of America". But what I find really interesting about the constitutional right, is that it seems to be extremely one-sided, at least for certain groups of people. Freedom of religion means exactly that, the freedom to practice (or not practice) whatever religion you feel speaks to you. Just because you are my boss, does not mean I am supposed to believe what you believe and vice versa so why is it ok to impose your beliefs just because you are "the boss"? Now on the face of this question, the answer seems to be, because "I am the boss". But that is not how the cookie crumbles. Denying someone access to something that is essential in family planning for many men and women in this country is in fact DENYING A FREEDOM.
Let's face it, whether people want to believe it or not, this is all about birth control pills and IUD's (condoms are an over the counter purchase at CVS) so yeah, folks, you're keying in on the ladies! What is it about women's abilities to think for themselves that has people so frustrated. Why is it that when a woman decides she wants to control what's happening with her body, it makes people's blood boil? We constantly are telling our boys, wrap it up, be responsible, but it is a distinctly different message for my fellow sisters. Folks, women AND men are having sex.... you aren't going to stop it.
Right about now, some of you are saying, oh, she is a Godless, ULTRA liberal woman, who needs to be saved. Quite the contrary, my FAITH is very strong, however, I am NOT religious and those are two EXTREMELY DIFFERENT THINGS (but that's a subject for a different post). My stance comes from understanding that what I believe does not have to be imposed on my friends or my family, let alone my co-worker's. I am not their judge, nor are they mine... that's for a HIGHER BEING. A women's ability to control certain aspects of her life are exactly that... HER's. Stop trying to make everyone fit into your perfect box that fits on your perfect shelf, next to your perfect beliefs. Birth control coverage is JUST as important as prescription medication for diabetes, a heart condition or anything to do with our health.
This is not about encouraging promiscuity which is the other religious argument (people were having sex before the pill and will continue to do so), this is about allowing women to make decisions for themselves. After I reached a certain age, one thing I always knew when it came to my mom and dad (both God-Loving individuals), was that they always, ALWAYS supported me in whatever decisions I chose. That doesn't mean they always agreed with my decisions, but their mantra was simple: Give me their honest opinion, lay out whatever facts they had and allow me to make my own choice. Whatever happened would happen, but they would at least know I was armed with knowledge to make my OWN decisions and in turn deal with whatever the outcome would be. If my mom and dad didn't make decisions for me, you, as my boss or the company I work for, certainly shouldn't be either.
The argument is, for-Profit companies right to opt out of coverage of birth control for religious reasons. To me, the answer seems simple, but there are many points of view.
Here is mine:
We tend to swing the "freedom of religion" hammer with a great deal of frequency... and we should. It is one of the wonderful things that makes the United States of America, "The United States of America". But what I find really interesting about the constitutional right, is that it seems to be extremely one-sided, at least for certain groups of people. Freedom of religion means exactly that, the freedom to practice (or not practice) whatever religion you feel speaks to you. Just because you are my boss, does not mean I am supposed to believe what you believe and vice versa so why is it ok to impose your beliefs just because you are "the boss"? Now on the face of this question, the answer seems to be, because "I am the boss". But that is not how the cookie crumbles. Denying someone access to something that is essential in family planning for many men and women in this country is in fact DENYING A FREEDOM.
Let's face it, whether people want to believe it or not, this is all about birth control pills and IUD's (condoms are an over the counter purchase at CVS) so yeah, folks, you're keying in on the ladies! What is it about women's abilities to think for themselves that has people so frustrated. Why is it that when a woman decides she wants to control what's happening with her body, it makes people's blood boil? We constantly are telling our boys, wrap it up, be responsible, but it is a distinctly different message for my fellow sisters. Folks, women AND men are having sex.... you aren't going to stop it.
Right about now, some of you are saying, oh, she is a Godless, ULTRA liberal woman, who needs to be saved. Quite the contrary, my FAITH is very strong, however, I am NOT religious and those are two EXTREMELY DIFFERENT THINGS (but that's a subject for a different post). My stance comes from understanding that what I believe does not have to be imposed on my friends or my family, let alone my co-worker's. I am not their judge, nor are they mine... that's for a HIGHER BEING. A women's ability to control certain aspects of her life are exactly that... HER's. Stop trying to make everyone fit into your perfect box that fits on your perfect shelf, next to your perfect beliefs. Birth control coverage is JUST as important as prescription medication for diabetes, a heart condition or anything to do with our health.
This is not about encouraging promiscuity which is the other religious argument (people were having sex before the pill and will continue to do so), this is about allowing women to make decisions for themselves. After I reached a certain age, one thing I always knew when it came to my mom and dad (both God-Loving individuals), was that they always, ALWAYS supported me in whatever decisions I chose. That doesn't mean they always agreed with my decisions, but their mantra was simple: Give me their honest opinion, lay out whatever facts they had and allow me to make my own choice. Whatever happened would happen, but they would at least know I was armed with knowledge to make my OWN decisions and in turn deal with whatever the outcome would be. If my mom and dad didn't make decisions for me, you, as my boss or the company I work for, certainly shouldn't be either.
Friday, March 21, 2014
We share in the problem.
So I am watching the news last evening and see a story about alleged Long Island teens drinking heavily then taking explicit photos and posting them on twitter. The newscast of course showed the pictures while blurring out the faces in them. I gather the blurring was for the protection of those involved. Here's my question.... why show the photos at all?
Listen, I am a member of the media, but I honestly believe we have as much to do with some of the outrageous antics of today's youth and attention seekers as anyone else. Everyone knows, all you have to do get on TV and quite possibly go national is get downright crazy! Sure enough, the same story and pictures were on a national morning show as I woke up this fine Friday morning. Now I don't want to perpetuate these young folks antics any further so I won't be posting links to the story, you'll have to do your own simple search I simply want to know when will the media take responsibility for some of the craziness that is happening.
In an effort to maintain viewership, we seem to throw responsibility out the window under the guise of "freedom of the press". Instead of saying... we can do this story without showing these awful photographs. We can do this story and open a dialogue for parents, teachers, teens and the like. We can do this story without guaranteeing to individuals that if they do the same thing or something even more outrageous it will get on the air.
I AM NOT absolving parents and guardians of their duties. Those individuals have a job to talk to AND LISTEN to their youths. They have the task of trying to keep their kids and their neighbors kids safe. I AM NOT saying it's the media's fault that teenagers will be teenagers (contrary to what you believe, young people, you are not invincible). What I AM saying is that glorifying their non-thinking behavior IS IRRESPONSIBLE in its own right and needs to be addressed. Does anyone in the news meeting say, hey, why don't we NOT show the kid getting beat down by a group, why don't we NOT show images of the knockout game where innocent victims are getting popped walking down the street? Why don't we NOT show the photos of drunken youth in precarious situations? You can address these crimes, these acts of cowardice, these clear problems, without giving them the 15 seconds turned into 15 minutes of fame they are seeking in the first place.
Listen, I am a member of the media, but I honestly believe we have as much to do with some of the outrageous antics of today's youth and attention seekers as anyone else. Everyone knows, all you have to do get on TV and quite possibly go national is get downright crazy! Sure enough, the same story and pictures were on a national morning show as I woke up this fine Friday morning. Now I don't want to perpetuate these young folks antics any further so I won't be posting links to the story, you'll have to do your own simple search I simply want to know when will the media take responsibility for some of the craziness that is happening.
In an effort to maintain viewership, we seem to throw responsibility out the window under the guise of "freedom of the press". Instead of saying... we can do this story without showing these awful photographs. We can do this story and open a dialogue for parents, teachers, teens and the like. We can do this story without guaranteeing to individuals that if they do the same thing or something even more outrageous it will get on the air.
I AM NOT absolving parents and guardians of their duties. Those individuals have a job to talk to AND LISTEN to their youths. They have the task of trying to keep their kids and their neighbors kids safe. I AM NOT saying it's the media's fault that teenagers will be teenagers (contrary to what you believe, young people, you are not invincible). What I AM saying is that glorifying their non-thinking behavior IS IRRESPONSIBLE in its own right and needs to be addressed. Does anyone in the news meeting say, hey, why don't we NOT show the kid getting beat down by a group, why don't we NOT show images of the knockout game where innocent victims are getting popped walking down the street? Why don't we NOT show the photos of drunken youth in precarious situations? You can address these crimes, these acts of cowardice, these clear problems, without giving them the 15 seconds turned into 15 minutes of fame they are seeking in the first place.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Broken
I have been trying to find the right words to express my deep sadness and concern with what occurred Saturday, July 13th, 2013. On this night, six jurors decided that it was OK for a man named George Zimmerman to shoot and kill a 17 year old teenager named Trayvon Martin.
I like EVERYONE who's followed the case, don't really know what happened that fateful night in 2012. The prosecution of the case doesn't really know, the defense doesn't really know, the jurors, the judge, the families of both Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman don't really know. Two people know what truly happened that night, one died the other was just set free after the senseless tragedy. I write this post because clearly there is a great deal of opinion on both sides of this issue. Many say, justice was served, Zimmerman was proven innocent, lets move on. To those individuals, I say, you are entitled to your thought process, but I wonder how much thought you truly put in it.
To those individuals I say, imagine if you can, your teenage son, walking home from the convenience store and somehow, doesn't make it back. Imagine if you will, your teenage son didn't get shot at the convenience store, he didn't get caught up in a robbery gone wrong, he didn't get shot outside your townhouse community, he didn't get shot somewhere he wasn't even supposed to be. Imagine if you will, your teenage son, got shot within your "safe" community because in essence, he was a young man, who simply "LOOKED" like he didn't belong. I repeat, he "looked" like he didn't belong.
Now, I am not naive. I too have been somewhere, noticed an individual and said to myself, hmm.... should I be concerned? That is human nature, especially at night. So I am not going to blame Mr. Zimmerman for trying to be a concerned citizen... if that is what he truly felt he was being. I won't blame him for wondering, should this individual be in my community, especially since the community has had an issue or two in the past. However, I do hold Mr. Zimmerman accountable for the actions he took in the name of being a so-called concerned citizen. You see, I don't have an issue with him calling 911, that is what a concerned citizen does. But what a concerned citizen DOES NOT do, is then dismiss the advice of 911 and decide, I will take matters into my own hands. What a concerned citizen does not do is follow a so-called perpetrator to what, engage him? What a concerned citizen DOES NOT do is decide, I am a hero like in the movies.... because when the UNTRAINED, concerned citizen takes matters into his own hands,... unlike the movie the Dark Knight, or Die Hard... .there is no director calling, scene cut. When the bullet leaves the chamber, it's not a blank, and the recipient of blank shot does not get up and go back to his acting trailer.
When the concerned citizen takes matters into his own hands he shoots a 17 year old in the heart and kills him. He kills a 17 year old who was actually, headed home, and heaven forbid, while heading home, he took his time because he was talking with friend on the phone. Heaven forbid, a 17 year old, actually acted like a 17 year old. People are saying the jurors did as they were instructed and we should leave it at that. I would be fine with that except for one big thing.... even the jurors admitted, George Zimmerman went to far... I repeat, the jurors felt Zimmerman went to far (juror B37) which leads me to ask, then how is it that George Zimmerman was still found innocent? How exactly does that work? You had the option of manslaughter if you didn't feel Zimmerman had every intention TO kill. Maybe it's true, maybe things just got out of hand, the two fought and he fired his weapon, that still doesn't mean you are innocent. A person is dead because of your actions and there needs to be a legal price paid for the life you took.
As a black woman, this touches home for me. I have an older brother who I know for a fact has gotten that look from people. I have an older brother who people wondered what's he up to, when all he was doing was walking to the car, leaving the grocery store taking a walk around his neighborhood while talking on the phone simply because, it was a nice night and he wanted to take a walk. I would also love to think, that the stereotypes are as simple as black and white, but they aren't.
Allow me to digress from the topic to share this story. When my brother was a senior in high school he and his friends somehow got my parents to host their Prom Night dinner. My dad was an excellent cook and wanted to do something special for his only son. So the plans were made, a menu was set, decorations purchased. I was the hostess for the evening. When the young celebratory teens arrived at our house for the dinner, as I was closing the door, the limo driver for the evening, who was black, came in. He made a whole lot of assumptions on this particular night. You see, we lived in what is a nice part of town; good schools, nice neighborhood, good place to grow up. Nothing extravagant by any means, but nonetheless, he didn't believe, black people lived in this part of town. So when he saw me answer the door, he ASSUMED, I worked there. The assumptions continued, as he made his way into the kitchen, he saw my mom and dad working hard trying to get the dinner plates together. Again, he assumed, they were the hired help. He even at one point pressed my mom for a cup of coffee when she had some time. His assumptions continued to the point where I guess he picked one of the guys in the group and decided this house, must have been his house, and said to him something like, it's really nice of your parents to host this party for you kids (that young man's parents had come by to take pictures and help out). Needless to say the limo driver was stunned when the kid told him, I don't live here, he does, pointing to my brother. The limo driver found himself apologizing a couple of different ways because at one point he had the audacity to cop a bit of an attitude with my mom, for not moving fast enough to get him his cup of coffee (my mom was raised in the south and knows all about hospitality... the driver did get his cup of coffee with a smile as well).
My point to this story is, when you make assumptions, like the saying goes, you make an ASS out of U and ME, tragically, for Trayvon Martin, an assumption by George Zimmerman, left that 17 year old dead. I don't know Trayvon Martin, I don't know George Zimmerman, but I do know that intentionally or NOT, George Zimmerman did in fact kill Trayvon Martin, he shot him dead, and Trayvon Martin was not stealing, was not breaking and entering, was not performing a criminal act. Trayvon Martin seemingly fought for himself, stood his ground and somehow in standing his ground, he was in the wrong, while the man with a gun was in the right. It's not right.
Our legal system was put to the test and unfortunately, the legal system failed. I appreciate that the system was allowed to work, but the system is broken and I would love to have a conversation on how to fix it. My son is two years old, just two years old and my heart is so full of love for him, it nearly brings me tears every night when I kiss him goodnight. For me to advance that love 15 years forward, I know it will only grow... I would be devastated if I lost my son, as I am certain Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin are devastated with the loss of their son. What would only hurt more, is if there were no justice served in the loss of my son as has been the case here. I applaud these two people, because in what must seem like the darkest of days, they have remained above the fray. They have not lashed out, they have not spewed hatred, they have leaned on their faith and love of their child. They have shown their heart.
Now, I recognize that George Zimmerman's life will never be the same again, he will likely deal with quite a bit of ugly moving forward but the one thing I truly hope he does, I truly hope he really looks within himself and truly asks himself, does he really feel his actions were righteous? Does he truly believe he is an innocent man in the first hand death of this teen? Only Mr. Zimmerman can speak to his own heart, he must face himself daily and I don't know how easy that will be for him. I will pray for him as well, not because I am a great christian, but because I know it is the christian thing to do. I am angry with Mr. Zimmerman, and I am angry with the system, but my anger won't help ANYTHING. I must look within myself and pray for this man, his family along with Trayvon's family. I must pray that after all of this, we might just be one step closer to ending these senseless, unnecessary and hurtful tragedies.
Dear God, please be with us all tonight, tomorrow and everyday after. Please help us find our way to being better in every way.
I like EVERYONE who's followed the case, don't really know what happened that fateful night in 2012. The prosecution of the case doesn't really know, the defense doesn't really know, the jurors, the judge, the families of both Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman don't really know. Two people know what truly happened that night, one died the other was just set free after the senseless tragedy. I write this post because clearly there is a great deal of opinion on both sides of this issue. Many say, justice was served, Zimmerman was proven innocent, lets move on. To those individuals, I say, you are entitled to your thought process, but I wonder how much thought you truly put in it.
To those individuals I say, imagine if you can, your teenage son, walking home from the convenience store and somehow, doesn't make it back. Imagine if you will, your teenage son didn't get shot at the convenience store, he didn't get caught up in a robbery gone wrong, he didn't get shot outside your townhouse community, he didn't get shot somewhere he wasn't even supposed to be. Imagine if you will, your teenage son, got shot within your "safe" community because in essence, he was a young man, who simply "LOOKED" like he didn't belong. I repeat, he "looked" like he didn't belong.
Now, I am not naive. I too have been somewhere, noticed an individual and said to myself, hmm.... should I be concerned? That is human nature, especially at night. So I am not going to blame Mr. Zimmerman for trying to be a concerned citizen... if that is what he truly felt he was being. I won't blame him for wondering, should this individual be in my community, especially since the community has had an issue or two in the past. However, I do hold Mr. Zimmerman accountable for the actions he took in the name of being a so-called concerned citizen. You see, I don't have an issue with him calling 911, that is what a concerned citizen does. But what a concerned citizen DOES NOT do, is then dismiss the advice of 911 and decide, I will take matters into my own hands. What a concerned citizen does not do is follow a so-called perpetrator to what, engage him? What a concerned citizen DOES NOT do is decide, I am a hero like in the movies.... because when the UNTRAINED, concerned citizen takes matters into his own hands,... unlike the movie the Dark Knight, or Die Hard... .there is no director calling, scene cut. When the bullet leaves the chamber, it's not a blank, and the recipient of blank shot does not get up and go back to his acting trailer.
When the concerned citizen takes matters into his own hands he shoots a 17 year old in the heart and kills him. He kills a 17 year old who was actually, headed home, and heaven forbid, while heading home, he took his time because he was talking with friend on the phone. Heaven forbid, a 17 year old, actually acted like a 17 year old. People are saying the jurors did as they were instructed and we should leave it at that. I would be fine with that except for one big thing.... even the jurors admitted, George Zimmerman went to far... I repeat, the jurors felt Zimmerman went to far (juror B37) which leads me to ask, then how is it that George Zimmerman was still found innocent? How exactly does that work? You had the option of manslaughter if you didn't feel Zimmerman had every intention TO kill. Maybe it's true, maybe things just got out of hand, the two fought and he fired his weapon, that still doesn't mean you are innocent. A person is dead because of your actions and there needs to be a legal price paid for the life you took.
As a black woman, this touches home for me. I have an older brother who I know for a fact has gotten that look from people. I have an older brother who people wondered what's he up to, when all he was doing was walking to the car, leaving the grocery store taking a walk around his neighborhood while talking on the phone simply because, it was a nice night and he wanted to take a walk. I would also love to think, that the stereotypes are as simple as black and white, but they aren't.
Allow me to digress from the topic to share this story. When my brother was a senior in high school he and his friends somehow got my parents to host their Prom Night dinner. My dad was an excellent cook and wanted to do something special for his only son. So the plans were made, a menu was set, decorations purchased. I was the hostess for the evening. When the young celebratory teens arrived at our house for the dinner, as I was closing the door, the limo driver for the evening, who was black, came in. He made a whole lot of assumptions on this particular night. You see, we lived in what is a nice part of town; good schools, nice neighborhood, good place to grow up. Nothing extravagant by any means, but nonetheless, he didn't believe, black people lived in this part of town. So when he saw me answer the door, he ASSUMED, I worked there. The assumptions continued, as he made his way into the kitchen, he saw my mom and dad working hard trying to get the dinner plates together. Again, he assumed, they were the hired help. He even at one point pressed my mom for a cup of coffee when she had some time. His assumptions continued to the point where I guess he picked one of the guys in the group and decided this house, must have been his house, and said to him something like, it's really nice of your parents to host this party for you kids (that young man's parents had come by to take pictures and help out). Needless to say the limo driver was stunned when the kid told him, I don't live here, he does, pointing to my brother. The limo driver found himself apologizing a couple of different ways because at one point he had the audacity to cop a bit of an attitude with my mom, for not moving fast enough to get him his cup of coffee (my mom was raised in the south and knows all about hospitality... the driver did get his cup of coffee with a smile as well).
My point to this story is, when you make assumptions, like the saying goes, you make an ASS out of U and ME, tragically, for Trayvon Martin, an assumption by George Zimmerman, left that 17 year old dead. I don't know Trayvon Martin, I don't know George Zimmerman, but I do know that intentionally or NOT, George Zimmerman did in fact kill Trayvon Martin, he shot him dead, and Trayvon Martin was not stealing, was not breaking and entering, was not performing a criminal act. Trayvon Martin seemingly fought for himself, stood his ground and somehow in standing his ground, he was in the wrong, while the man with a gun was in the right. It's not right.
Our legal system was put to the test and unfortunately, the legal system failed. I appreciate that the system was allowed to work, but the system is broken and I would love to have a conversation on how to fix it. My son is two years old, just two years old and my heart is so full of love for him, it nearly brings me tears every night when I kiss him goodnight. For me to advance that love 15 years forward, I know it will only grow... I would be devastated if I lost my son, as I am certain Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin are devastated with the loss of their son. What would only hurt more, is if there were no justice served in the loss of my son as has been the case here. I applaud these two people, because in what must seem like the darkest of days, they have remained above the fray. They have not lashed out, they have not spewed hatred, they have leaned on their faith and love of their child. They have shown their heart.
Now, I recognize that George Zimmerman's life will never be the same again, he will likely deal with quite a bit of ugly moving forward but the one thing I truly hope he does, I truly hope he really looks within himself and truly asks himself, does he really feel his actions were righteous? Does he truly believe he is an innocent man in the first hand death of this teen? Only Mr. Zimmerman can speak to his own heart, he must face himself daily and I don't know how easy that will be for him. I will pray for him as well, not because I am a great christian, but because I know it is the christian thing to do. I am angry with Mr. Zimmerman, and I am angry with the system, but my anger won't help ANYTHING. I must look within myself and pray for this man, his family along with Trayvon's family. I must pray that after all of this, we might just be one step closer to ending these senseless, unnecessary and hurtful tragedies.
Dear God, please be with us all tonight, tomorrow and everyday after. Please help us find our way to being better in every way.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Ahhhh Youth!
So it's tuesday morning and I have LOTS of errands to run with a toddler in tow. As we are making our way towards the freeway, two young late teens or early 20-somethings decide to cross the street against on-coming traffic. They don't start until I am literally into the intersection... I start honking my horn, they simply look at me, I continue to honk my horn and the young girl looks back at me as she's crossing and flips me off. At that moment, I realized, I have mellowed to a small degree. You see, at that fateful moment, I was ready to stop the car and yank little miss attitude's pony tail. She's flipping me off because I am trying to keep her from getting killed?! I must admit to being impressed with myself, I didn't roll down my window and yell at her either, which was my other temptation. Nope, I simply smiled muttered something to myself then looked back to see my precious son giggling at me just 'cuz! Yup, just another day rolling through the always testy streets of Stamford!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Happy Mother's Day!
Ahhh Mother's Day! To all my fabulous mommy friends... a happy day to you! Allow me to share a true mother's day story to you.... starring.... the Phenomenal Agisi and me! Well, my mother's day started with my fantastic son Agisi yelping with tears around 5:45 this morning. Soon the yelping turned to coughing and sniffling. The little mister is battling seasonal allergies like his momma! Those of you grew up with me, know what seasonal allergies are like for me. Well after a half hour or so of coughing, the intensity of the cough increased dramatically, to the point where I knew we'd be headed somewhere! But first, Alex said, let's steam him, I said ok... and off to the bathroom we went for a steam session.
It seemed to calm him down, calmed the cough got him relaxed. But soon the coughing continued and then came the big push.... cough, cough, deep cough, upchuck! Right after the upchuck, the brightness and joy returned to my munchkin. Surely this is it then, surely we are done since the nasal drip finally forced him to release it all. But nope, this was just the beginning. The cough begins again, I pick him to turn him towards the sink and upchuck.... ALL OVER MY FACE! Ohh, my sweet boy, nothing says love like a little vomit on your smacker.... I'm thankful my mouth was closed! He is back to giggling and chatting again. As happy as a little clam. We still aren't done yet. You see this coughing caused by nasal drip, upchuck continued till about 10 am. He released oh, 6 or 7 different times and every time in between, you would never know that anything out of the ordinary was going on.
I finally called the pediatrician's emergency line, when he called me back, the decision was, Benadryl to tame the cough and keep fighting the allergies. I obliged... he chucked five minutes after the Benadryl. But eventually he did calm down and after watching five back-to-back episodes of Bubble Guppies, he fell off to sleep. The nap lasted 2 whole hours, which was a relief, both for me and my husband but also our little guy. Good sleep, no coughing. When he awoke, our whole attitude was about keeping him calm so as not to stir up coughing and give him little sips of water so as not to over do anything and a bite of food here and there. Again, if you didn't hear him coughing, you'd never know something was up. No temperature, happily playing, until the coughing starts then he gets cuddly and wants you to end it. But he seems to be eating and drinking nearly normal now, which makes me happy and also makes me realize, my son will survive me for at least another day or, is it that I will survive him?
I love you Agisi and you've certainly made this Mother's Day, THE MOST memorable yet!
It seemed to calm him down, calmed the cough got him relaxed. But soon the coughing continued and then came the big push.... cough, cough, deep cough, upchuck! Right after the upchuck, the brightness and joy returned to my munchkin. Surely this is it then, surely we are done since the nasal drip finally forced him to release it all. But nope, this was just the beginning. The cough begins again, I pick him to turn him towards the sink and upchuck.... ALL OVER MY FACE! Ohh, my sweet boy, nothing says love like a little vomit on your smacker.... I'm thankful my mouth was closed! He is back to giggling and chatting again. As happy as a little clam. We still aren't done yet. You see this coughing caused by nasal drip, upchuck continued till about 10 am. He released oh, 6 or 7 different times and every time in between, you would never know that anything out of the ordinary was going on.
I finally called the pediatrician's emergency line, when he called me back, the decision was, Benadryl to tame the cough and keep fighting the allergies. I obliged... he chucked five minutes after the Benadryl. But eventually he did calm down and after watching five back-to-back episodes of Bubble Guppies, he fell off to sleep. The nap lasted 2 whole hours, which was a relief, both for me and my husband but also our little guy. Good sleep, no coughing. When he awoke, our whole attitude was about keeping him calm so as not to stir up coughing and give him little sips of water so as not to over do anything and a bite of food here and there. Again, if you didn't hear him coughing, you'd never know something was up. No temperature, happily playing, until the coughing starts then he gets cuddly and wants you to end it. But he seems to be eating and drinking nearly normal now, which makes me happy and also makes me realize, my son will survive me for at least another day or, is it that I will survive him?
I love you Agisi and you've certainly made this Mother's Day, THE MOST memorable yet!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Caught up in Wife Swap
So, I got my precious son down CRAZY EARLY this fine Thursday night, which allowed me veg out time unseen in oh, the 2 years since he's Blessed me with his presence in this world. So how did I choose to use my veg out time.... I watched 'Wife Swap'. I can count on one hand how many times I've watched this reality show, but was drawn in this night. The two total opposite families were both a little scary to me. One family was like living in a boot camp. No love, no celebration of being a family of four, the two kids are basically emotionally stunted where mom and dad are concerned. The other family, of course the extreme opposite. Don't believe in school, so they "Unschool" their four children. Now I have no clue what that means, what I do know, is their 10 or 11 year old daughter can't read, so that doesn't bode well for the "Unschooling" model in my opinion.
The "Unschool" parents don't believe in discipline and feel that no one has authority over the other, I mean no one. They feel the parents have no right to instill rules, punishment, boundaries on children. That "no child needs to be trained, ever". I repeat, the 11 year old daughter can't read, and I am not exaggerating. She said herself, I can't really read a book, "yet".
The "Boot camp" home has the young daughter, about 10, loves crafts, art, drawing. All of her projects and ribbons, awards are stuffed in a storage box under her bed. The kids don't have their friends over, their parents have no clue who their kids friends are. They have a tight leash on them. The son is 17 and basically feels he has no trust from his parents to make any decisions of his own. Highly pushed to excel in school of course.
Now, I am all about education, but one thing I will always be thankful for when it came to my parents and school, they had one rule: Do your best, if that's a C, so be it, but if it's a C because you didn't do all you could including getting a tutor, than we've got a problem. I cried the first time I got a C. It was in advanced math. I was the kid willing to sit in the front row unless there was a seating chart, I'd go to the teacher during breaks, lunch, enlist any help I could... but advanced math and I simply weren't going to get a long. I got a C. My mom asked me, did you do everything you could (she knew the answer because she and dad helped me get a tutor, talked to my teacher, they were in the know), I said yes, she said... so why are you crying? What do you want for dinner tonight? This is not how "boot camp" mom functions. Berating I'm certain would be involved.
"Boot camp" mom and dad use the smoke alarm to wake their children.... A SMOKE ALARM. How about going into your kids room, say good morning, time to get up and get going. Open a curtain, head rub, maybe a kiss, but because they don't pop out of bed, you invoke the SMOKE ALARM. Meanwhile, "Unschool" parents let their kids go to bed and get up whenever they see fit. Heck, they don't go to school so what does it matter? Did I mention, the second oldest CAN'T READ! But they are all locked in the tech world, iPhone, iPads, whatever.... Yep, unschooling baby! They aren't big on cleaning, the dog licks the plates that are clean and in the dishwasher. But they don't use a smoke alarm to arouse anyone either.
I didn't have much of an issue with either mom's desire to install their personal rules when the time came except one... "Unschool" mom pulled the kids out of school, that should not be allowed, "Boot camp" mom forced the kids to go to school, don't like that either. Now, I don't agree with this "Unschooling" stuff, but throwing kids into an environment, that they've never known like school, is not the way to go. How about getting some books from the bookstore, ABC's and the like and try doing some teaching of your own rather than throwing these kids into a school like that. Just my opinion of course. "Boot camp" mom, HIGHLY disrespectful from the moment she arrived at the home, not so with "Unschool" mom. "Unschool" mom, VERY respectful, and as expected, VERY sensitive to what is CLEARLY absent in the home, warmth and love.
One of the rules "Unschool" mom installed, daily hugs from dad to his kids. His first response, if you need a hug, just ask for one. Really, I don't understand why a child needs to ask a parent for loving affection. I heard, I love you, every day of my life from my mom and dad, and got a hug every day of my life while I lived under their roof. When my Dad passed in September, one of the reasons we were able to handle things a little better, is because we all knew the love in our home. I didn't have to guess about my dad's feelings for me or ask him, he told me, I told him. It's also why I miss him daily!
All families are different, do things different ways, have different ideas about how to raise their kids. But I think when you need your child to ask you for a hug, you've got a problem. When your kids almost look scared to give you a hug, you've got a problem. When your response to a framed piece of artwork, OF YOUR CHILD, being placed on the wall is, "that's not staying there" (Boot camp Mom), you've got a problem. When you 13 year old has no problem using curse words in your presence or in the presence of others and doesn't feel it necessary to be respectful of adults, you've got a problem.
Kids are a privilege. They take work, effort, and tons of love. That doesn't mean, no discipline, no chores, no reading, writing and arithmetic. It means be a parent, be involved and BE RESPONSIBLE for the lives you brought (or adopted) onto this planet. Freedom feels great, but boundaries are necessary for development in society. Discipline is necessary for development in society. While everyone isn't going to give your child a hug in their future, and they aren't going to be praised all the time.... those are things that should come with the territory at home. Point out when mistakes are made, but celebrate greatness as well. It's a balancing act. I hope I do as well as my mom and dad, with my son!
The "Unschool" parents don't believe in discipline and feel that no one has authority over the other, I mean no one. They feel the parents have no right to instill rules, punishment, boundaries on children. That "no child needs to be trained, ever". I repeat, the 11 year old daughter can't read, and I am not exaggerating. She said herself, I can't really read a book, "yet".
The "Boot camp" home has the young daughter, about 10, loves crafts, art, drawing. All of her projects and ribbons, awards are stuffed in a storage box under her bed. The kids don't have their friends over, their parents have no clue who their kids friends are. They have a tight leash on them. The son is 17 and basically feels he has no trust from his parents to make any decisions of his own. Highly pushed to excel in school of course.
Now, I am all about education, but one thing I will always be thankful for when it came to my parents and school, they had one rule: Do your best, if that's a C, so be it, but if it's a C because you didn't do all you could including getting a tutor, than we've got a problem. I cried the first time I got a C. It was in advanced math. I was the kid willing to sit in the front row unless there was a seating chart, I'd go to the teacher during breaks, lunch, enlist any help I could... but advanced math and I simply weren't going to get a long. I got a C. My mom asked me, did you do everything you could (she knew the answer because she and dad helped me get a tutor, talked to my teacher, they were in the know), I said yes, she said... so why are you crying? What do you want for dinner tonight? This is not how "boot camp" mom functions. Berating I'm certain would be involved.
"Boot camp" mom and dad use the smoke alarm to wake their children.... A SMOKE ALARM. How about going into your kids room, say good morning, time to get up and get going. Open a curtain, head rub, maybe a kiss, but because they don't pop out of bed, you invoke the SMOKE ALARM. Meanwhile, "Unschool" parents let their kids go to bed and get up whenever they see fit. Heck, they don't go to school so what does it matter? Did I mention, the second oldest CAN'T READ! But they are all locked in the tech world, iPhone, iPads, whatever.... Yep, unschooling baby! They aren't big on cleaning, the dog licks the plates that are clean and in the dishwasher. But they don't use a smoke alarm to arouse anyone either.
I didn't have much of an issue with either mom's desire to install their personal rules when the time came except one... "Unschool" mom pulled the kids out of school, that should not be allowed, "Boot camp" mom forced the kids to go to school, don't like that either. Now, I don't agree with this "Unschooling" stuff, but throwing kids into an environment, that they've never known like school, is not the way to go. How about getting some books from the bookstore, ABC's and the like and try doing some teaching of your own rather than throwing these kids into a school like that. Just my opinion of course. "Boot camp" mom, HIGHLY disrespectful from the moment she arrived at the home, not so with "Unschool" mom. "Unschool" mom, VERY respectful, and as expected, VERY sensitive to what is CLEARLY absent in the home, warmth and love.
One of the rules "Unschool" mom installed, daily hugs from dad to his kids. His first response, if you need a hug, just ask for one. Really, I don't understand why a child needs to ask a parent for loving affection. I heard, I love you, every day of my life from my mom and dad, and got a hug every day of my life while I lived under their roof. When my Dad passed in September, one of the reasons we were able to handle things a little better, is because we all knew the love in our home. I didn't have to guess about my dad's feelings for me or ask him, he told me, I told him. It's also why I miss him daily!
All families are different, do things different ways, have different ideas about how to raise their kids. But I think when you need your child to ask you for a hug, you've got a problem. When your kids almost look scared to give you a hug, you've got a problem. When your response to a framed piece of artwork, OF YOUR CHILD, being placed on the wall is, "that's not staying there" (Boot camp Mom), you've got a problem. When you 13 year old has no problem using curse words in your presence or in the presence of others and doesn't feel it necessary to be respectful of adults, you've got a problem.
Kids are a privilege. They take work, effort, and tons of love. That doesn't mean, no discipline, no chores, no reading, writing and arithmetic. It means be a parent, be involved and BE RESPONSIBLE for the lives you brought (or adopted) onto this planet. Freedom feels great, but boundaries are necessary for development in society. Discipline is necessary for development in society. While everyone isn't going to give your child a hug in their future, and they aren't going to be praised all the time.... those are things that should come with the territory at home. Point out when mistakes are made, but celebrate greatness as well. It's a balancing act. I hope I do as well as my mom and dad, with my son!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Oops, your blouse is open!
So I was watching an interview on "Andrea Mitchell Reports". She was speaking with former Susan G. Komen for the Cure VP, Karen Handel. You may recall, there was a huge hullabaloo this past February regarding Komen's then-decision to de-fund Planned Parenthood.
Back in February, the CEO/Founder of Komen, Nancy Brinker cited a "NEW" internal rule that if an applicant or affiliate is under investigation, it would render them ineligible for funding from Komen. According to Komen, PP was under federal investigation, turns out not really (just the focus of an anti-abortion congressman), and so it was no longer eligible for the near 700-thousand dollars it was receiving. Funny, Penn State didn't didn't lose it's Komen funding, but we will come back to that.
Komen of course got lambasted for it's decision and quickly reversed course within 48 hours. Handel also resigned, promising a tell-all book about what happened. It's out and called "Planned Bullyhood: The Truth about the Planned Parenthood funding battle with Susan G. Komen for the Cure"
Now, Ms. Handel told Andrea Mitchell, that the reason PP's funding was pulled was because they don't do mammograms (true then, the organization has since launched a new initiative to perform them). But I thought it was because they were "under investigation". Nevermind, so let's say it is because they didn't do mammograms... when did Komen ONLY care about mammograms? PP did and still does general breast health screenings and mammogram referrals which are all just as vital in early detection. So if women's breast health is all you truly care about, which Handel also said... then PP should never have lost funding, even for just the few hours that it did.
So why was there such an uproar... well, PP performs some abortions, representing up to 3 percent, I repeat, 3 percent, of the centers function.... hardly the centers entire purpose for being. But we all know how controversial abortions are. Ms. Handel is a vocal anti-abortion advocate, and it just so happens that PP funding only ended when she became a deciding voice within Komen in April of 2011. She again told Andrea Mitchell, Komen's decision to de-fund had nothing to do with her personal beliefs, that PP didn't perform mammograms, and Komen is solely about breast health. She also said, that the issues with PP had been affecting Komen for "atleast a decade, long, long, before my time". Well, here's the problem with that... if Komen had so many issues with PP, "at least a decade", why did it take until she got there to pull the funding. Also from what I could find in a search for when Komen began to fund PP, that apparently didn't start until 2007, so why even start to fund, if you've got issues. AMR-MSNBC
Well, since knowing Handel ran for Governor in Georgia, as republican with part of her platform railing against PP, it doesn't take a math genius to put 2 and 2 together. I mean, maybe it's a coincidence, but I'm starting to think, coincidences aren't so much these days.
Now that you're all angry and bitter about my little soundboard on this issue, let me make something absolutely clear.... Susan G. Komen for the Cure CAN ABSOLUTELY fund and de-fund which ever organizations it chooses. It's private money, do with it whatever you will. My issue is, don't make up stories and dance around the real reason behind your decision. If you don't want to fund PP because you don't like that 3 percent of their centers' function involves abortions... say so, you have every right to. But don't make up this "internal rule" that just came into play and DOESN'T apply to an actual institution that was under federal investigation for child sex abuse... Penn State, which is receiving a 5 year 7.5 million dollar grant from Komen for it's cancer research. Don't tell me that when your board voted in a new "rule" it only affected a whopping ONE of your 2000 funded organizations. And really don't tell me months later, that it's not the rule, but the fact that PP doesn't perform mammograms.... Last time I checked, a key component in breast health, is regular screenings, learning to regularly check your breasts and get information about what to look for, questions to ask... and oh, yes, get A REFERRAL FOR A MAMMOGRAM!
If you have a problem with an organization, have a problem with the organization. Stand tall about why and keep your head up. When you start spinning webs of lies, you get caught with your pants down, or in the case of Komen, your blouse open.
Back in February, the CEO/Founder of Komen, Nancy Brinker cited a "NEW" internal rule that if an applicant or affiliate is under investigation, it would render them ineligible for funding from Komen. According to Komen, PP was under federal investigation, turns out not really (just the focus of an anti-abortion congressman), and so it was no longer eligible for the near 700-thousand dollars it was receiving. Funny, Penn State didn't didn't lose it's Komen funding, but we will come back to that.
Komen of course got lambasted for it's decision and quickly reversed course within 48 hours. Handel also resigned, promising a tell-all book about what happened. It's out and called "Planned Bullyhood: The Truth about the Planned Parenthood funding battle with Susan G. Komen for the Cure"
Now, Ms. Handel told Andrea Mitchell, that the reason PP's funding was pulled was because they don't do mammograms (true then, the organization has since launched a new initiative to perform them). But I thought it was because they were "under investigation". Nevermind, so let's say it is because they didn't do mammograms... when did Komen ONLY care about mammograms? PP did and still does general breast health screenings and mammogram referrals which are all just as vital in early detection. So if women's breast health is all you truly care about, which Handel also said... then PP should never have lost funding, even for just the few hours that it did.
So why was there such an uproar... well, PP performs some abortions, representing up to 3 percent, I repeat, 3 percent, of the centers function.... hardly the centers entire purpose for being. But we all know how controversial abortions are. Ms. Handel is a vocal anti-abortion advocate, and it just so happens that PP funding only ended when she became a deciding voice within Komen in April of 2011. She again told Andrea Mitchell, Komen's decision to de-fund had nothing to do with her personal beliefs, that PP didn't perform mammograms, and Komen is solely about breast health. She also said, that the issues with PP had been affecting Komen for "atleast a decade, long, long, before my time". Well, here's the problem with that... if Komen had so many issues with PP, "at least a decade", why did it take until she got there to pull the funding. Also from what I could find in a search for when Komen began to fund PP, that apparently didn't start until 2007, so why even start to fund, if you've got issues. AMR-MSNBC
Well, since knowing Handel ran for Governor in Georgia, as republican with part of her platform railing against PP, it doesn't take a math genius to put 2 and 2 together. I mean, maybe it's a coincidence, but I'm starting to think, coincidences aren't so much these days.
Now that you're all angry and bitter about my little soundboard on this issue, let me make something absolutely clear.... Susan G. Komen for the Cure CAN ABSOLUTELY fund and de-fund which ever organizations it chooses. It's private money, do with it whatever you will. My issue is, don't make up stories and dance around the real reason behind your decision. If you don't want to fund PP because you don't like that 3 percent of their centers' function involves abortions... say so, you have every right to. But don't make up this "internal rule" that just came into play and DOESN'T apply to an actual institution that was under federal investigation for child sex abuse... Penn State, which is receiving a 5 year 7.5 million dollar grant from Komen for it's cancer research. Don't tell me that when your board voted in a new "rule" it only affected a whopping ONE of your 2000 funded organizations. And really don't tell me months later, that it's not the rule, but the fact that PP doesn't perform mammograms.... Last time I checked, a key component in breast health, is regular screenings, learning to regularly check your breasts and get information about what to look for, questions to ask... and oh, yes, get A REFERRAL FOR A MAMMOGRAM!
If you have a problem with an organization, have a problem with the organization. Stand tall about why and keep your head up. When you start spinning webs of lies, you get caught with your pants down, or in the case of Komen, your blouse open.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
The Lawlessness of Stamford Drivers....
OK,
I've had it! I don't claim to be the greatest driver on the planet, but I am far better than a vast majority of the drivers of Stamford, CT. I live there, so I know what I am talking about!!! Specifically, my favorite intersection.... Washington Blvd at Broad Street.
Today I am walking with my family, little dude in his stroller, husband pushing, and we get to our favorite intersection... it's my favorite because it seems all of the bad drivers of the state converge there. We are patiently waiting for the walk signal, and sure enough, it comes. We look both ways then step into the crosswalk and begin our trek. Apparently we weren't moving fast enough for the driver trying to make a right, as they inched closer and closer to us. Well, we've dealt with this enough, so finally we rebelled, slowed our roll and took our time. Once the women and her passenger were able to go through the light, she politely called me an Asshole, because I kept her from turning.
Well here's the rub, there is a sign posted as big as day: State Law, Must yield to pedestrians in crosswalk. Hmmm, seems pretty straight forward to me, especially considering I had the little walking man telling us, we are clear to walk! I don't like to make scenes. I don't like to be that person yelling in the street, but calling me an asshole for crossing the street?! I screamed back at her, read the street sign, yield to pedestrians!!!
So, if I am calling out Stamford drivers, obviously this isn't the first incident. One day, I am trying to cross the street at yes, my favorite intersection, and wouldn't you know it... another driver versus pedestrian moment. This time the driver again is mad, because I am not allowing her to make her right, but she's screaming at me because, I am not directly in the crosswalk, so I am holding her up. Now here's the problem with this one... this particular crosswalk, on the south side of the intersection is an angled crosswalk. So... I'm not sure why, but by the time you get to the other side, you are standing somewhat in oncoming traffic, so I usually keep a straight line which takes me about 2 feet out of the crosswalk once I reach the corner, and keeps me out of the oncoming traffic line. But here's the rub.... she's turing on a red light.... which would be fine except for the other big bold sign just below the "Yield to pedestrian" sign that reads: NO RIGHT ON RED. So why exactly are you cussing at me when you are making an illegal right on a red light? I didn't say anything that day... said plenty in my head, but left it there.
Come to think of it, while I was driving through my favorite intersection once, I had someone honking at me at a ridiculous rate, because I wouldn't make the "ILLEGAL" right on red. I wanted to stick my finger out the window, but that's not an example I need to be making for my kid. Yelling at the driver today, I immediately felt foolish. Here I am crossing the street and yelling at some driver half way down the road. I've got people staring and I look at the drivers and realize how dumb I look, no matter how justified my outburst. I apologized while crossing.
Alex says he figures he could write tickets all day long if he just stood at that intersection, the city would make a killing. The thing is, it's not just the, yielding to pedestrians, or illegal rights on red.... there's also the, flat out driving through the red lights all together. We figure, on average at least 2 to 3 cars usually go through that particular signal after it's turned red. I'm stunned there aren't more accidents. I'm stunned there's not more road rage.... It seems the lawlessness that IS Stamford driving is the norm. Not a whole lot of honking except for those trying to actually follow the law. Not much anger except for drivers not actually yielding to pedestrians. Guess I should just partake in the lawlessness... but you know what happens then, I will be the one that gets the ticket. Guess I will simply continue to hold in my frustration and secretly want to beat down the majority of the Stamford drivers I come across.
I've had it! I don't claim to be the greatest driver on the planet, but I am far better than a vast majority of the drivers of Stamford, CT. I live there, so I know what I am talking about!!! Specifically, my favorite intersection.... Washington Blvd at Broad Street.
Today I am walking with my family, little dude in his stroller, husband pushing, and we get to our favorite intersection... it's my favorite because it seems all of the bad drivers of the state converge there. We are patiently waiting for the walk signal, and sure enough, it comes. We look both ways then step into the crosswalk and begin our trek. Apparently we weren't moving fast enough for the driver trying to make a right, as they inched closer and closer to us. Well, we've dealt with this enough, so finally we rebelled, slowed our roll and took our time. Once the women and her passenger were able to go through the light, she politely called me an Asshole, because I kept her from turning.
Well here's the rub, there is a sign posted as big as day: State Law, Must yield to pedestrians in crosswalk. Hmmm, seems pretty straight forward to me, especially considering I had the little walking man telling us, we are clear to walk! I don't like to make scenes. I don't like to be that person yelling in the street, but calling me an asshole for crossing the street?! I screamed back at her, read the street sign, yield to pedestrians!!!
So, if I am calling out Stamford drivers, obviously this isn't the first incident. One day, I am trying to cross the street at yes, my favorite intersection, and wouldn't you know it... another driver versus pedestrian moment. This time the driver again is mad, because I am not allowing her to make her right, but she's screaming at me because, I am not directly in the crosswalk, so I am holding her up. Now here's the problem with this one... this particular crosswalk, on the south side of the intersection is an angled crosswalk. So... I'm not sure why, but by the time you get to the other side, you are standing somewhat in oncoming traffic, so I usually keep a straight line which takes me about 2 feet out of the crosswalk once I reach the corner, and keeps me out of the oncoming traffic line. But here's the rub.... she's turing on a red light.... which would be fine except for the other big bold sign just below the "Yield to pedestrian" sign that reads: NO RIGHT ON RED. So why exactly are you cussing at me when you are making an illegal right on a red light? I didn't say anything that day... said plenty in my head, but left it there.
Come to think of it, while I was driving through my favorite intersection once, I had someone honking at me at a ridiculous rate, because I wouldn't make the "ILLEGAL" right on red. I wanted to stick my finger out the window, but that's not an example I need to be making for my kid. Yelling at the driver today, I immediately felt foolish. Here I am crossing the street and yelling at some driver half way down the road. I've got people staring and I look at the drivers and realize how dumb I look, no matter how justified my outburst. I apologized while crossing.
Alex says he figures he could write tickets all day long if he just stood at that intersection, the city would make a killing. The thing is, it's not just the, yielding to pedestrians, or illegal rights on red.... there's also the, flat out driving through the red lights all together. We figure, on average at least 2 to 3 cars usually go through that particular signal after it's turned red. I'm stunned there aren't more accidents. I'm stunned there's not more road rage.... It seems the lawlessness that IS Stamford driving is the norm. Not a whole lot of honking except for those trying to actually follow the law. Not much anger except for drivers not actually yielding to pedestrians. Guess I should just partake in the lawlessness... but you know what happens then, I will be the one that gets the ticket. Guess I will simply continue to hold in my frustration and secretly want to beat down the majority of the Stamford drivers I come across.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
The Ingenuity of an 18 month old....
So it's 4:30 in the morning.
To say we are half a sleep, isn't even slightly accurate.... try deep, deep sleep.
But like any mom... I hear my son, crying. I jump with cat like reflexes, then bumble and stumble down the dark hall trying to get to my toddler's room.
It feels like the never-ending hallway from Poltergeist, but I realize, #1- I'm not afraid, cuz I know nothing is really wrong, and #2- it feels like the never-ending hallway because I am just not at all awake.
I get to my son's room and there cuteness is, standing in his crib, crying and rubbing his eyes. I know the routine, pick him up, hug him a little, give kisses, tell him, "it's ok, mommy is here, but you little man, should be asleep." As I figured, nothing is wrong, he's just up. No temperature, just up. So I set him on the bed across from his crib and proceed to change his diaper. I pick him back up, kiss him again, tell him I love him, but it's time to go back to sleep. I put him in the crib and I haven't even let him go before he's up and whaling again. The truly traumatized whale... I pick him back up, and just hold him in my arms for about 30 seconds.... I think,... I really still am asleep. I can't see the clock cuz it's just a blur. He is calm now, so I proceed to go to the cd player and play his music (World Baby Zen, great stuff) set him down in the crib, pull the tail on the musical elephant and rub his back a bit. He's up again and starts crying. I know this game. So I tell him, go back to sleep and walk out of the room.
I head back to our room, where I can finally see a clock and begin the countdown. He's got five minutes before I go back in if he hasn't stopped on his own. The monitor is sitting faithfully on my chest. The whaling gets even louder, and I can tell, he's not gonna go back down. But now I need to go to the restroom. So I decide, bathroom first then back to munchkin. But something really strange happens as I am finishing up in the bathroom... all of a sudden his whaling seems to be getting closer to our bedroom. Now, I know I am tired, but I'm not that tired and I know, I'm like 99% certain, no one is in the condo to pick him up and carry him to my room. But sure enough, as I am washing and drying my hands, the whaling is at our bedroom door and tugging on the knob. I didn't even realize I had shut shut the door. I open the door and there he is standing there, crying. For the first time EVER, the little man, somehow maneuvered his way out of the crib and made his way down to his dad and mom's room.
My husband finally even woke up himself, cuz he heard the crying literally at the door. By the time he got to the door, little man was standing in the room waiting for one of us to pick him up... me still in awe. Alex looked down and in only the way a proud father could, he said, IN GREEK, did you walk all the way here yourself? Oh my boy, good job my boy (Now, I paraphrased, because, I still don't know greek, I am working on it, but it was more than a word or two). He swooped him up and took him to our bed. Needless to say, little man giggled a bit.
I was proud, scared and still tired all at the same time. I didn't hear any kind of thud or thump, so he didn't fall, but he could have. And here is something that makes it all even more impressive.... he still sleeps with a pacifier, in fact he keeps two with him. He had the one in his mouth and one in his hand as he got out of the crib and made his way down. I know my kid, there was no put this down for a second while I do this, he kept the one in his hand and had the one in his mouth the whole time. Again, there was pride, and the fear subsided for a second.... but then, I just realized.... he can now get out of his crib! We have to figure out a new strategy for when little man randomly wakes up and doesn't want to be by himself!
To say we are half a sleep, isn't even slightly accurate.... try deep, deep sleep.
But like any mom... I hear my son, crying. I jump with cat like reflexes, then bumble and stumble down the dark hall trying to get to my toddler's room.
It feels like the never-ending hallway from Poltergeist, but I realize, #1- I'm not afraid, cuz I know nothing is really wrong, and #2- it feels like the never-ending hallway because I am just not at all awake.
I get to my son's room and there cuteness is, standing in his crib, crying and rubbing his eyes. I know the routine, pick him up, hug him a little, give kisses, tell him, "it's ok, mommy is here, but you little man, should be asleep." As I figured, nothing is wrong, he's just up. No temperature, just up. So I set him on the bed across from his crib and proceed to change his diaper. I pick him back up, kiss him again, tell him I love him, but it's time to go back to sleep. I put him in the crib and I haven't even let him go before he's up and whaling again. The truly traumatized whale... I pick him back up, and just hold him in my arms for about 30 seconds.... I think,... I really still am asleep. I can't see the clock cuz it's just a blur. He is calm now, so I proceed to go to the cd player and play his music (World Baby Zen, great stuff) set him down in the crib, pull the tail on the musical elephant and rub his back a bit. He's up again and starts crying. I know this game. So I tell him, go back to sleep and walk out of the room.
I head back to our room, where I can finally see a clock and begin the countdown. He's got five minutes before I go back in if he hasn't stopped on his own. The monitor is sitting faithfully on my chest. The whaling gets even louder, and I can tell, he's not gonna go back down. But now I need to go to the restroom. So I decide, bathroom first then back to munchkin. But something really strange happens as I am finishing up in the bathroom... all of a sudden his whaling seems to be getting closer to our bedroom. Now, I know I am tired, but I'm not that tired and I know, I'm like 99% certain, no one is in the condo to pick him up and carry him to my room. But sure enough, as I am washing and drying my hands, the whaling is at our bedroom door and tugging on the knob. I didn't even realize I had shut shut the door. I open the door and there he is standing there, crying. For the first time EVER, the little man, somehow maneuvered his way out of the crib and made his way down to his dad and mom's room.
My husband finally even woke up himself, cuz he heard the crying literally at the door. By the time he got to the door, little man was standing in the room waiting for one of us to pick him up... me still in awe. Alex looked down and in only the way a proud father could, he said, IN GREEK, did you walk all the way here yourself? Oh my boy, good job my boy (Now, I paraphrased, because, I still don't know greek, I am working on it, but it was more than a word or two). He swooped him up and took him to our bed. Needless to say, little man giggled a bit.
I was proud, scared and still tired all at the same time. I didn't hear any kind of thud or thump, so he didn't fall, but he could have. And here is something that makes it all even more impressive.... he still sleeps with a pacifier, in fact he keeps two with him. He had the one in his mouth and one in his hand as he got out of the crib and made his way down. I know my kid, there was no put this down for a second while I do this, he kept the one in his hand and had the one in his mouth the whole time. Again, there was pride, and the fear subsided for a second.... but then, I just realized.... he can now get out of his crib! We have to figure out a new strategy for when little man randomly wakes up and doesn't want to be by himself!
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Golden Gabby
America has a new sweetheart and she isn't of the typical fare! Gabby Douglas won gold for the Individual All-Around at these 2012 London Olympic games. In fact, she became the first African-American Gymnast to accomplish the feat PERIOD.
Now I know, there are many of you, utterly frustrated that I am pointing this out, but here's the deal, this is one of those things, that NEEDS to be pointed out. Certain fields have far fewer variety than others, for various reasons. Gymnastics is one of those sports where not so many african-americans are drawn too or encouraged. I was basically told, gymnastics was not for me when I was a little girl,... by the gym. I was sad, but after my growth spurt, it certainly made more sense. Now I doubt they saw a growth spurt coming, but a public gymnastics facility in my opinion should never turn away a young person that wants to participate. I may not have been any good, but this wasn't a team tryout. This was a public gymnastics facility, where you pay to participate and anyone should be allowed to do so.
It's interesting, I can name only two African American female gymnasts.... Dominique Dawes and Gabby Douglas. I am positive that there are more, but they haven't reached this level which is why these two stand out. It's what makes Gabby's Individual All-Around Gold that much more important. Specifically for little black girls, there is something to be said about seeing yourself in a hero.
Gabby, like the Williams sisters represents a dream that can be attainable, no matter what that dream is. I am looking beyond athletic talents here, I am talking about any and all dreams. They represent that if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. Sound familiar? It should, it's an age old saying... but sometimes the words seem to be simply that, empty letters with sound attached. But there are individuals, accomplished individuals who somehow make you feel as if there is more behind those words. Individuals who didn't come from great backgrounds, individuals who had the tables not necessarily turned in their favor. Individuals who decided, no matter what the sacrifice, I'm going to make this happen.
Who would of thought Compton could produce the greatest sister tandem the sports world has ever seen. And now there's Gabby..
Gabby Douglas... dubbed the "Flying Squirrel" because she gets RIDICULOUS height from her bar releases, her beautiful lines in her routines and a smile to match, is a thrill to watch.
She is a beautiful young lady and hopefully her Golden future is just as celebrated as those who went before her. She's already got her Wheaties box, now I want to see her on the commercial/sponsorship circuit like her predecessors.
I want Gabby to be a household name, I want her to be fawned on. I want her to get the love she deserves because she is an Olympic Champion to the highest degree. I want her poster plastered on gymnastics walls and little girls bedrooms... I want little girls to say.... "I want to be like Gabby".... I want all of this for her because, she's our Gabby, ALL of ours, and she is an especially bright golden star to young black girls all over the United States!
Now I know, there are many of you, utterly frustrated that I am pointing this out, but here's the deal, this is one of those things, that NEEDS to be pointed out. Certain fields have far fewer variety than others, for various reasons. Gymnastics is one of those sports where not so many african-americans are drawn too or encouraged. I was basically told, gymnastics was not for me when I was a little girl,... by the gym. I was sad, but after my growth spurt, it certainly made more sense. Now I doubt they saw a growth spurt coming, but a public gymnastics facility in my opinion should never turn away a young person that wants to participate. I may not have been any good, but this wasn't a team tryout. This was a public gymnastics facility, where you pay to participate and anyone should be allowed to do so.
It's interesting, I can name only two African American female gymnasts.... Dominique Dawes and Gabby Douglas. I am positive that there are more, but they haven't reached this level which is why these two stand out. It's what makes Gabby's Individual All-Around Gold that much more important. Specifically for little black girls, there is something to be said about seeing yourself in a hero.
Gabby, like the Williams sisters represents a dream that can be attainable, no matter what that dream is. I am looking beyond athletic talents here, I am talking about any and all dreams. They represent that if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. Sound familiar? It should, it's an age old saying... but sometimes the words seem to be simply that, empty letters with sound attached. But there are individuals, accomplished individuals who somehow make you feel as if there is more behind those words. Individuals who didn't come from great backgrounds, individuals who had the tables not necessarily turned in their favor. Individuals who decided, no matter what the sacrifice, I'm going to make this happen.
Who would of thought Compton could produce the greatest sister tandem the sports world has ever seen. And now there's Gabby..
Gabby Douglas... dubbed the "Flying Squirrel" because she gets RIDICULOUS height from her bar releases, her beautiful lines in her routines and a smile to match, is a thrill to watch.
She is a beautiful young lady and hopefully her Golden future is just as celebrated as those who went before her. She's already got her Wheaties box, now I want to see her on the commercial/sponsorship circuit like her predecessors.
I want Gabby to be a household name, I want her to be fawned on. I want her to get the love she deserves because she is an Olympic Champion to the highest degree. I want her poster plastered on gymnastics walls and little girls bedrooms... I want little girls to say.... "I want to be like Gabby".... I want all of this for her because, she's our Gabby, ALL of ours, and she is an especially bright golden star to young black girls all over the United States!
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Your Rights WARRANT common sense!
Following the horrific events that took place last week in Aurora, Colorado, the debate about our right to bear arms has been up for discussion again. Many are saying we need stricter gun laws, others say, stricter laws infringe upon our civil liberties. I'm sure it isn't surprising to hear me agree with the need for stricter laws.
Look, I have a natural fear of guns and the argument that guns don't kill, people do... holds very little water for me. While I would love every gun in every county, city and state removed off the streets, I know THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN. So I subscribe to a little common sense.
Yes, you have every right to bear arms. It is clearly stated in the constitution of the United States, but some common sense is most definitely warranted. I am waiting for someone to explain to me how an "ASSAULT RIFLE" or a "SEMI-AUTOMATIC WEAPON" are necessary in your "domestic protection", or hunting.
I believe it was former Pennsylvania Governor, Ed Rendell said on MSNBC last week, there is no reason any legal domestic weapon needs to have more than 10 or 11 rounds of ammunition. Heck, I say keep it at single digits, no more than 9 if I have to give in somewhere. While it is unknown how many rounds were actually fired, James Holmes could have gotten off 60 rounds in one minute with his assault rifle alone.... 60 ROUNDS! He purchased some 6000 rounds of ammunition on-line..... how is that even slightly ok? That is absolutely ridiculous. No person needs that kind of weaponry that isn't fighting for their lives in an ACTUAL WAR!
Then you get statements like the one from Texas Congressman (R) Louie Gohmert, who asked why the shooter was the "ONLY" one with a gun? So let me get this straight, you want to add another gun or two or three to the mix, possibly endanger even more lives because now, bullets flying back and forth in every which direction as if we we're back in the wild west?! How about, if he isn't able to fire off 60 rounds in a minute. How about in the time it would have taken him to stop and reload a handgun, or shot gun, someone might have gotten to him to stop him, or, better yet, authorities, may have gained valuable moments to stop him. But no, we have the "freedom to bear arms" as the argument allowing someone of this sick nature to assault unassuming movie goers.
I am not naive to think, the removal of guns means sick people won't find other ways to do harm. I know who Timothy McVeigh and Ted Kaczynski are. It wasn't about guns for them and yet they caused plenty of death and harm. But to act like we can't help get one area of violence under more control is ludicrous.
Here's what I think, and just so we are clear, I think this should be NATION-WIDE. You should NOT be able to own assault rifles and semi-automatic weapons, period! You should NOT be allowed to purchase 6000 rounds of ammunition on line, period! If you want to purchase a gun, you should be subject to a background check.... I was subject to a background check at every job I was hired for, and I was reporting sports! You should be required to pass a users exam for the gun you are purchasing. You have to pass a driver's test to drive, in fact you have to pass separate exams for a motorcycle or carrier truck. There should be a mandatory 30 day waiting period for all licenses to carry a weapon and another 30 day waiting period to physically own a gun... Period! You should not be able to purchase more than one gun in a 30 period. You shouldn't be able to purchase more than 12 guns in a calendar year! I hate guns and I just gave you 12 in a single year!
Explain to me, how these infringe on your rights!? They don't. They are reasonable, common sense protective measures that might, just might help curb the James Holmes and Jared Loughner's of the world. It might also take a huge chunk out of the weapons of gangs, but that's a whole other day of discussion.
Do my measures solve violence in America, of course not, dumb to think so. As I mentioned before, depraved individuals spend hours, days, weeks and months figuring out how to hurt, you can't stop them all....But this is a step in the right direction.
Look, I have a natural fear of guns and the argument that guns don't kill, people do... holds very little water for me. While I would love every gun in every county, city and state removed off the streets, I know THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN. So I subscribe to a little common sense.
Yes, you have every right to bear arms. It is clearly stated in the constitution of the United States, but some common sense is most definitely warranted. I am waiting for someone to explain to me how an "ASSAULT RIFLE" or a "SEMI-AUTOMATIC WEAPON" are necessary in your "domestic protection", or hunting.
I believe it was former Pennsylvania Governor, Ed Rendell said on MSNBC last week, there is no reason any legal domestic weapon needs to have more than 10 or 11 rounds of ammunition. Heck, I say keep it at single digits, no more than 9 if I have to give in somewhere. While it is unknown how many rounds were actually fired, James Holmes could have gotten off 60 rounds in one minute with his assault rifle alone.... 60 ROUNDS! He purchased some 6000 rounds of ammunition on-line..... how is that even slightly ok? That is absolutely ridiculous. No person needs that kind of weaponry that isn't fighting for their lives in an ACTUAL WAR!
Then you get statements like the one from Texas Congressman (R) Louie Gohmert, who asked why the shooter was the "ONLY" one with a gun? So let me get this straight, you want to add another gun or two or three to the mix, possibly endanger even more lives because now, bullets flying back and forth in every which direction as if we we're back in the wild west?! How about, if he isn't able to fire off 60 rounds in a minute. How about in the time it would have taken him to stop and reload a handgun, or shot gun, someone might have gotten to him to stop him, or, better yet, authorities, may have gained valuable moments to stop him. But no, we have the "freedom to bear arms" as the argument allowing someone of this sick nature to assault unassuming movie goers.
I am not naive to think, the removal of guns means sick people won't find other ways to do harm. I know who Timothy McVeigh and Ted Kaczynski are. It wasn't about guns for them and yet they caused plenty of death and harm. But to act like we can't help get one area of violence under more control is ludicrous.
Here's what I think, and just so we are clear, I think this should be NATION-WIDE. You should NOT be able to own assault rifles and semi-automatic weapons, period! You should NOT be allowed to purchase 6000 rounds of ammunition on line, period! If you want to purchase a gun, you should be subject to a background check.... I was subject to a background check at every job I was hired for, and I was reporting sports! You should be required to pass a users exam for the gun you are purchasing. You have to pass a driver's test to drive, in fact you have to pass separate exams for a motorcycle or carrier truck. There should be a mandatory 30 day waiting period for all licenses to carry a weapon and another 30 day waiting period to physically own a gun... Period! You should not be able to purchase more than one gun in a 30 period. You shouldn't be able to purchase more than 12 guns in a calendar year! I hate guns and I just gave you 12 in a single year!
Explain to me, how these infringe on your rights!? They don't. They are reasonable, common sense protective measures that might, just might help curb the James Holmes and Jared Loughner's of the world. It might also take a huge chunk out of the weapons of gangs, but that's a whole other day of discussion.
Do my measures solve violence in America, of course not, dumb to think so. As I mentioned before, depraved individuals spend hours, days, weeks and months figuring out how to hurt, you can't stop them all....But this is a step in the right direction.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Is there anything more annoying?.....
Than feeling as though you are getting a good sleep on, and then your eyes pop open? As if the darkness in the room didn't tell you already, that it was way too early, when you look at the clock you realize.... it is WAY TOO EARLY! Hence it's 3:45 AM eastern time and I am here writing this.
I wouldn't be so frustrated about it, except, I'm tired and have been faithfully trying to get back to sleep for over an hour. It also doesn't help, that my precious little toddler, really won't care that 'mommy didn't sleep much, she still needs to be on point when I wake up in about 2 and half hours!'
So tell me you wayward sleepers out there.... what do you do when you know you should be asleep but you are simply.......up!?
Now see back in my single days... house cleaning would be an option. But with a 17 month old fast asleep as well as a husband..... well, you get the idea.
I am tempted to turn on the tv... but somehow, I think that will only stimulate my brain even more.
One thing I have been doing, that is completely NOT CONSTRUCTIVE, is make a mental list of all the b.s. that's happened and continues to happen in my personal world. I don't know, maybe that's the problem, maybe I haven't mentally purged enough.
Well, here's a mindless purge.... Text messages, are starting to really bother me.
A new friend that I have made over the past several weeks recently had nose surgery. Wanting to allow her proper rest time, I waited a few days before reaching out to see how she was doing. But I didn't call, nope, I sent a text message. She replied, happy that I was checking in and so our finger banter via cell phone began. We moved from her surgery to trying to organize some park time with our kids the next day. Well, the discussion continued to the next morning, because I eventually went to bed and the message I sent that afternoon, didn't get a reply until later that night.... people get busy.... I'm one of them and it's easy to miss a text when you've got the day to deal with.
When I reached for my phone to reply to her text that I missed the night before, I stopped myself... I was about to begin the finger banter again and decided.... no..... I actually want to speak to this person. I am going to call. I did. I got her voicemail, but she called me back pretty quick and we had a great little chat. In fact, we laughed about the fact that we, like so many others text way too much. Here's the thing, in the time it takes to send a text, get the reply, reply yourself and repeat.... you could have just as easily called the person and worked out whatever it was voice-to-voice and actually saved some time.
Now, don't get me wrong. Texting serves a good purpose for me. When I don't really have time to talk, but want someone to know I'm thinking about them... quick text. Confirming a girls night out, place and time, quick text. Checking to see if someone is available to actually talk on the phone, quick text. The problem is when the text turns into a complete conversation.... that's the stuff that just grinds at me. Add to it, when you don't want to text back and forth for the 10th time in the same discussion, you decide to call, and the person doesn't answer.... see that makes me want to throw something. It is also the world we live in. As advanced as a culture and people that we have become, I think socially, we are lost. We don't know how to talk to people anymore. It serves as a means to keep your distance. We do it with family members, friends and acquaintances alike. Heck, I have a friend who's son broke up with his girlfriend, VIA TEXT!!!! Let me repeat that, he BROKE UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND VIA TEXT...... AND SHE WAS OK WITH IT!
When did that become ok?
My husband has eyesight issues, so texting isn't something he does at the rate of most. He still actually calls people and I like that. In fact, I remember a few years back, when we were planning our wedding, we were trying to pick the song we would dance our first dance to as husband and wife. We called up his cousin to ask something random about a song and the conversation became one of the most entertaining discussions any of us had had in a long time with no alcohol involved. We weren't saving the world, just driving down memory lane listening to bits of different songs that brought back vivid details of our life's journey. We started with the soundtrack from "The Wedding Singer" and from there, it just grew to a phenomenal chaos. In case you are wondering... we chose "Ebony & Ivory"... it was fitting.... :-)
I just want to get back to real conversations. Really developing relationships with people, you know actually talking and getting to know them.
I know, I know, I sound old. The text isn't going away, or at least not in a sense of winding down, it will evolve into something else, I have no idea what, but something.
Until then the finger banter will continue, and I too will continue to participate. But may I ask one favor from you today, just one itty bitty, teeny weeny, little favor.... As you go through your day today, sending multiple texts.... If you have the time, see if you can turn one text, just one text into an actual phone conversation. You never know, it may end up being one of the best chats you have ever had.
I wouldn't be so frustrated about it, except, I'm tired and have been faithfully trying to get back to sleep for over an hour. It also doesn't help, that my precious little toddler, really won't care that 'mommy didn't sleep much, she still needs to be on point when I wake up in about 2 and half hours!'
So tell me you wayward sleepers out there.... what do you do when you know you should be asleep but you are simply.......up!?
Now see back in my single days... house cleaning would be an option. But with a 17 month old fast asleep as well as a husband..... well, you get the idea.
I am tempted to turn on the tv... but somehow, I think that will only stimulate my brain even more.
One thing I have been doing, that is completely NOT CONSTRUCTIVE, is make a mental list of all the b.s. that's happened and continues to happen in my personal world. I don't know, maybe that's the problem, maybe I haven't mentally purged enough.
Well, here's a mindless purge.... Text messages, are starting to really bother me.
A new friend that I have made over the past several weeks recently had nose surgery. Wanting to allow her proper rest time, I waited a few days before reaching out to see how she was doing. But I didn't call, nope, I sent a text message. She replied, happy that I was checking in and so our finger banter via cell phone began. We moved from her surgery to trying to organize some park time with our kids the next day. Well, the discussion continued to the next morning, because I eventually went to bed and the message I sent that afternoon, didn't get a reply until later that night.... people get busy.... I'm one of them and it's easy to miss a text when you've got the day to deal with.
When I reached for my phone to reply to her text that I missed the night before, I stopped myself... I was about to begin the finger banter again and decided.... no..... I actually want to speak to this person. I am going to call. I did. I got her voicemail, but she called me back pretty quick and we had a great little chat. In fact, we laughed about the fact that we, like so many others text way too much. Here's the thing, in the time it takes to send a text, get the reply, reply yourself and repeat.... you could have just as easily called the person and worked out whatever it was voice-to-voice and actually saved some time.
Now, don't get me wrong. Texting serves a good purpose for me. When I don't really have time to talk, but want someone to know I'm thinking about them... quick text. Confirming a girls night out, place and time, quick text. Checking to see if someone is available to actually talk on the phone, quick text. The problem is when the text turns into a complete conversation.... that's the stuff that just grinds at me. Add to it, when you don't want to text back and forth for the 10th time in the same discussion, you decide to call, and the person doesn't answer.... see that makes me want to throw something. It is also the world we live in. As advanced as a culture and people that we have become, I think socially, we are lost. We don't know how to talk to people anymore. It serves as a means to keep your distance. We do it with family members, friends and acquaintances alike. Heck, I have a friend who's son broke up with his girlfriend, VIA TEXT!!!! Let me repeat that, he BROKE UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND VIA TEXT...... AND SHE WAS OK WITH IT!
When did that become ok?
My husband has eyesight issues, so texting isn't something he does at the rate of most. He still actually calls people and I like that. In fact, I remember a few years back, when we were planning our wedding, we were trying to pick the song we would dance our first dance to as husband and wife. We called up his cousin to ask something random about a song and the conversation became one of the most entertaining discussions any of us had had in a long time with no alcohol involved. We weren't saving the world, just driving down memory lane listening to bits of different songs that brought back vivid details of our life's journey. We started with the soundtrack from "The Wedding Singer" and from there, it just grew to a phenomenal chaos. In case you are wondering... we chose "Ebony & Ivory"... it was fitting.... :-)
I just want to get back to real conversations. Really developing relationships with people, you know actually talking and getting to know them.
I know, I know, I sound old. The text isn't going away, or at least not in a sense of winding down, it will evolve into something else, I have no idea what, but something.
Until then the finger banter will continue, and I too will continue to participate. But may I ask one favor from you today, just one itty bitty, teeny weeny, little favor.... As you go through your day today, sending multiple texts.... If you have the time, see if you can turn one text, just one text into an actual phone conversation. You never know, it may end up being one of the best chats you have ever had.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Team USA... made in CHINA!
Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light......
Your chest is filling with pride right now isn't it?
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming....
We will hear these words proudly throughout the 2012 Olympic games.
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight....
Picturing Michael Phelp's again....
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming....
You are wondering where I am going with this aren't you?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air. Gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there....
So here's the big question, while the flag stood, did it say, made in China on the label?
I ask, because the Team USA opening ceremony uniforms will. Yep, standing tall in red, white and blue Ralph Lauren design, our most athletically talented men and women will proudly stand dashingly in outfits, outfitted in China ( check out the link to see what I am talking about USA Uni's).
Is it me, or does something seem inherently wrong with that little bit of information. Here we are, representing the United States of America, putting our country on display in the most basic way possible and on the world stage, our uniforms can't even support AMERICAN COMMERCE? That is down right ludicrous. Heck, my husband was ticked off when he heard this story, to the point that he actually started a petition..... AND HE'S CANADIAN!!
I personally think, all USA gear should HAVE to be made in America. If you want the shirt, the pants the shoes to say USA, it should be made, in the USA. Oh, did I just stumble on to something here? Do the opening ceremonies actually bear the letters USA or is it just implied in the classic Lauren yacht time design?
Now, I am not going to sit here and act like my closet isn't filled with apparel bearing labels of every country but the USA, including stuff that says, USA, but when it comes to an olympic uniform for the opening ceremonies, maybe, just maybe, the pride of the country should be showcased through and through, including the little flags they will be waving!
Your chest is filling with pride right now isn't it?
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming....
We will hear these words proudly throughout the 2012 Olympic games.
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight....
Picturing Michael Phelp's again....
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming....
You are wondering where I am going with this aren't you?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air. Gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there....
So here's the big question, while the flag stood, did it say, made in China on the label?
I ask, because the Team USA opening ceremony uniforms will. Yep, standing tall in red, white and blue Ralph Lauren design, our most athletically talented men and women will proudly stand dashingly in outfits, outfitted in China ( check out the link to see what I am talking about USA Uni's).
Is it me, or does something seem inherently wrong with that little bit of information. Here we are, representing the United States of America, putting our country on display in the most basic way possible and on the world stage, our uniforms can't even support AMERICAN COMMERCE? That is down right ludicrous. Heck, my husband was ticked off when he heard this story, to the point that he actually started a petition..... AND HE'S CANADIAN!!
I personally think, all USA gear should HAVE to be made in America. If you want the shirt, the pants the shoes to say USA, it should be made, in the USA. Oh, did I just stumble on to something here? Do the opening ceremonies actually bear the letters USA or is it just implied in the classic Lauren yacht time design?
Now, I am not going to sit here and act like my closet isn't filled with apparel bearing labels of every country but the USA, including stuff that says, USA, but when it comes to an olympic uniform for the opening ceremonies, maybe, just maybe, the pride of the country should be showcased through and through, including the little flags they will be waving!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Freedom of Independence
So I've been listening to the back and forth set off by comments from comedian Chris Rock regarding the "Fourth of July" Holiday. Yep, he set off a real firestorm when speaking of the ugly history that is a part of the fabric of our flawed yet wonderful nation. The Fox News machine of course had a field day chiding Chris. Saying how disrespectful his observations were, because he is a "beneficiary" of the greatness of our nation. Herman Cain chimed in re-writing history to make his point. I don't remember reading the section in my history book, where George Washington said the slaves were free people... but I digress.
Melissa Harris-Perry also drew the ire of Fox because she too put a spotlight on some of the history of the nation that isn't so celebratory.
Here's the thing, these two individuals drew fire because they told the truth. They simply spoke about the FACTS of some of the not so great history of our nation. FACTS, that while many would love to forget them and sweep them under the rug, they cannot be forgotten and should not be forgotten.... because if you haven't learned from the mistakes of the past, you are doomed to repeat them. WE ALL have to recognize and understand the history that is the United States of America, warts and all.
The Fourth of July is the only Holiday that celebrates our Nation as a whole and I celebrate it just like most everybody else, but I also remember, my parents weren't allowed to do what I am doing right now when they were my age. You celebrate the good, acknowledge the ugly and try your hardest to make this nation better every single day.
That also means that while I found the criticisms directed at Rock and MHP absurd, I also have to recognize, those individuals rights to say them. It means that when I hear Congressman Allen West, continually speak as if the history of our nation doesn't exist at all, I HAVE TO defend his right to say them. It's a catch 22 and honestly was best described in one of my favorite movies, "The American President". President Andrew Shephard, played by Michael Douglas finally stood up for what he believed in when he was running for re-election and this was in my mind the most poignant part of the speech:
America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the "land of the free".
100% correct! Hurts sometimes doesn't it? Stings to the bone when you hear hateful words, when you hear people disrespecting and purposefully trying to rile up the crowd just because they can. But it's their right to do so... our founding fathers made sure of it, and I appreciate it. However, it doesn't absolve you or me of consequence. You see freedom of speech means exactly that... in the words of John Mayer, "say what you wanna say", but remember your words, good or bad will draw a reaction. You could be fired, you could be advanced, you could be jailed, you could be celebrated, you could be attacked, you could be hugged.... your freedom to speak WILL result in a reaction.
We are all human, at least the majority of us, and therefore, we ALL have hypocritical moments. Allen West makes me want to hit a wall pretty much whenever I hear him speak, one of his latest claiming President Obama wants us to be his slaves. But you know what, I have to recognize his right to say what he wants to say and then respectfully say what I want to say in disagreement. It stings, but it's a freedom Mr. West, you and I all share....
Melissa Harris-Perry also drew the ire of Fox because she too put a spotlight on some of the history of the nation that isn't so celebratory.
Here's the thing, these two individuals drew fire because they told the truth. They simply spoke about the FACTS of some of the not so great history of our nation. FACTS, that while many would love to forget them and sweep them under the rug, they cannot be forgotten and should not be forgotten.... because if you haven't learned from the mistakes of the past, you are doomed to repeat them. WE ALL have to recognize and understand the history that is the United States of America, warts and all.
The Fourth of July is the only Holiday that celebrates our Nation as a whole and I celebrate it just like most everybody else, but I also remember, my parents weren't allowed to do what I am doing right now when they were my age. You celebrate the good, acknowledge the ugly and try your hardest to make this nation better every single day.
That also means that while I found the criticisms directed at Rock and MHP absurd, I also have to recognize, those individuals rights to say them. It means that when I hear Congressman Allen West, continually speak as if the history of our nation doesn't exist at all, I HAVE TO defend his right to say them. It's a catch 22 and honestly was best described in one of my favorite movies, "The American President". President Andrew Shephard, played by Michael Douglas finally stood up for what he believed in when he was running for re-election and this was in my mind the most poignant part of the speech:
America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the "land of the free".
100% correct! Hurts sometimes doesn't it? Stings to the bone when you hear hateful words, when you hear people disrespecting and purposefully trying to rile up the crowd just because they can. But it's their right to do so... our founding fathers made sure of it, and I appreciate it. However, it doesn't absolve you or me of consequence. You see freedom of speech means exactly that... in the words of John Mayer, "say what you wanna say", but remember your words, good or bad will draw a reaction. You could be fired, you could be advanced, you could be jailed, you could be celebrated, you could be attacked, you could be hugged.... your freedom to speak WILL result in a reaction.
We are all human, at least the majority of us, and therefore, we ALL have hypocritical moments. Allen West makes me want to hit a wall pretty much whenever I hear him speak, one of his latest claiming President Obama wants us to be his slaves. But you know what, I have to recognize his right to say what he wants to say and then respectfully say what I want to say in disagreement. It stings, but it's a freedom Mr. West, you and I all share....
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Uncomfortable with your discomfort....
So the big Olympic Trials 100 meter run-off between Jeneba Tarmoh and Alysson Felix was cancelled after Tarmoh chose to concede the third place spot to Felix monday. Tarmoh says she wasn't really ever comfortable with USATF's decision to do the run-off in the first place, that she felt she had already earned the position fair and square.
Now I get that. She had done her qualifying victory lap, done the media and then hours later is told actually, it was a tie and we need to figure out what to do next. I'd be PISSED, no doubt about it. To make matters worse, it takes the USATF a week and a day to decide ok let's do a run-off. RIDICULOUS! USATF definitely earned an "F" for their failure to handle a situation that was not overly complicated to deal with, regardless rarity. Tarmoh and Alysson Felix have every reason to be bitter about how this whole thing was handled.
But a decision was finally made, and it was the correct one.... A run-off that was supposed to be a prime time event. But something else happened, Jeneba Tarmoh decided not to participate in the run-off and conceded her third place finish to Felix. Now I am even more ticked!!!!
Young lady, you said running in the Olympics was a dream of yours, here you are on the cusp and you decide to walk away instead of letting your speed do the talking.
As a former track and field kid the Olympics were indeed the ultimate goal, but alas, I simply didn't have the talent to get me there. I set some goals for myself in college, said if I reached them, I would continue on. I did not and so all I can do is sit and cheer on our greatest athletes with the rest of the country.... but I digress....
There is a term that we hear regularly when it comes to the Olympic Games.... it's the "Olympic Spirit". It describes the courage, the strength, the desire that an athlete has and displays in representing their country in one of the most pressure packed environments on earth. This, Miss Tarmoh, is not an example of your "Olympic Spirit".
Again, I can understand feeling that you've already qualified and shouldn't have to prove it again, but honey, that is called life. Proving yourself NEVER EVER goes away. Your decision to just concede because you were uncomfortable with the situation tells me more about your spirit in a negative fashion than in a competitive one. And now you've done another flip.... after agreeing to do an interview on CNN this morning (Wednesday, July 4th) on what was behind your decision, you decide right before the interview to back out.... You are presenting a trend that no one wants to get saddled with Miss Tarmoh.
If I were the head coach, I have to look at your actions and determine, is this what the heart of a champion looks like?
What if you were to have beaten Miss Felix Monday night and qualified? If a similar situation had happened in London (Yes, I understand I am reaching here, I am just trying to make a point), would you have decided no, I qualified for the Finals and since you want me to do a run-off, I simply will give up my opportunity to run for gold, out of what..... a misguided principle?
Are you injured? Is something going on personally that has taken precedence and needs your attention? If that is the case, no one on earth would fault you for that, but that is not what you are presenting right now and my disappointment is at an all time high.
Your discomfort to compete, gives me no comfort if you end up as an alternate for our relay team.
Now I get that. She had done her qualifying victory lap, done the media and then hours later is told actually, it was a tie and we need to figure out what to do next. I'd be PISSED, no doubt about it. To make matters worse, it takes the USATF a week and a day to decide ok let's do a run-off. RIDICULOUS! USATF definitely earned an "F" for their failure to handle a situation that was not overly complicated to deal with, regardless rarity. Tarmoh and Alysson Felix have every reason to be bitter about how this whole thing was handled.
But a decision was finally made, and it was the correct one.... A run-off that was supposed to be a prime time event. But something else happened, Jeneba Tarmoh decided not to participate in the run-off and conceded her third place finish to Felix. Now I am even more ticked!!!!
Young lady, you said running in the Olympics was a dream of yours, here you are on the cusp and you decide to walk away instead of letting your speed do the talking.
As a former track and field kid the Olympics were indeed the ultimate goal, but alas, I simply didn't have the talent to get me there. I set some goals for myself in college, said if I reached them, I would continue on. I did not and so all I can do is sit and cheer on our greatest athletes with the rest of the country.... but I digress....
There is a term that we hear regularly when it comes to the Olympic Games.... it's the "Olympic Spirit". It describes the courage, the strength, the desire that an athlete has and displays in representing their country in one of the most pressure packed environments on earth. This, Miss Tarmoh, is not an example of your "Olympic Spirit".
Again, I can understand feeling that you've already qualified and shouldn't have to prove it again, but honey, that is called life. Proving yourself NEVER EVER goes away. Your decision to just concede because you were uncomfortable with the situation tells me more about your spirit in a negative fashion than in a competitive one. And now you've done another flip.... after agreeing to do an interview on CNN this morning (Wednesday, July 4th) on what was behind your decision, you decide right before the interview to back out.... You are presenting a trend that no one wants to get saddled with Miss Tarmoh.
If I were the head coach, I have to look at your actions and determine, is this what the heart of a champion looks like?
What if you were to have beaten Miss Felix Monday night and qualified? If a similar situation had happened in London (Yes, I understand I am reaching here, I am just trying to make a point), would you have decided no, I qualified for the Finals and since you want me to do a run-off, I simply will give up my opportunity to run for gold, out of what..... a misguided principle?
Are you injured? Is something going on personally that has taken precedence and needs your attention? If that is the case, no one on earth would fault you for that, but that is not what you are presenting right now and my disappointment is at an all time high.
Your discomfort to compete, gives me no comfort if you end up as an alternate for our relay team.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Bully Tested - Target Approved
So the bully's that tormented Karen Klein in Greece, NY received their punishment. The boys got one year suspension, 50 hours of community service and have to complete courses on bully prevention, respect and responsibility. The kids will be placed in the districts re-engagement center where they will stay on track academically but partake in far more than just the lessons of the classroom. As a former target of bullying, I like these terms.
This center also reportedly requires strong parental involvement, so as to make sure nothing like this ever happens again, at least not on any of these individuals watches.
The reason I like the punishment is because it doesn't throw the kids away. It gives them a chance to really learn something in all of this and HOPEFULLY, make them better because of it. I truly hope the parents of these young people take this punishment seriously themselves and enforce it at home. I mean talk to their kids about their day, about what they've done, about what they want to do. They have to ask their kids "do you really understand the gravity of what you did, and why it was wrong" If they don't, this year can very easily be lost on just getting through and completing the penalty. If the parents don't believe in it, the kids certainly won't.
But these parents seem committed. They waived a district hearing and agreed to the penalty handed down. I plan to take that as a positive sign and wish them all luck in the upcoming journey.
This no doubt will be a humbling road for these young people, some may even say somewhat embarrassing.... I say it will only be embarrassing if they come out on the other side UNCHANGED.
Young Men, this is your moment, grab hold and own it. If you truly care and are sorry for your actions, your story is one that you will be able to use as a teaching tool the rest of your life and instead of being embarrassed, you will be proud to know that the mistakes you made, may very well have prevented someone else from going down that same road!
This center also reportedly requires strong parental involvement, so as to make sure nothing like this ever happens again, at least not on any of these individuals watches.
The reason I like the punishment is because it doesn't throw the kids away. It gives them a chance to really learn something in all of this and HOPEFULLY, make them better because of it. I truly hope the parents of these young people take this punishment seriously themselves and enforce it at home. I mean talk to their kids about their day, about what they've done, about what they want to do. They have to ask their kids "do you really understand the gravity of what you did, and why it was wrong" If they don't, this year can very easily be lost on just getting through and completing the penalty. If the parents don't believe in it, the kids certainly won't.
But these parents seem committed. They waived a district hearing and agreed to the penalty handed down. I plan to take that as a positive sign and wish them all luck in the upcoming journey.
This no doubt will be a humbling road for these young people, some may even say somewhat embarrassing.... I say it will only be embarrassing if they come out on the other side UNCHANGED.
Young Men, this is your moment, grab hold and own it. If you truly care and are sorry for your actions, your story is one that you will be able to use as a teaching tool the rest of your life and instead of being embarrassed, you will be proud to know that the mistakes you made, may very well have prevented someone else from going down that same road!
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